by Rick Leigh

Created on: March 17, 2009

The question should rather be "How far should you empower your children to succeed?" Within the subject are two key issues-What is "success" for your children; and how far can or should you as a parent support them in pursuing it?

I feel that the definition of success varies for each person and over each person's life. And so it is very important to resist the assumption that my definition is the correct one for my children. After all at the end of the day the goal is for children to be satisfied with their own success, as measured in their terms.

Some children (people) will care whether their view of success is similar to that of other people. I mean, that the community of their peers, or of society as a whole, agrees with what they call "success". Other children will not need or care about agreement on their standards, or will to a lesser degree. Whatever their personal definition I want to support that outcome for that child. And to let the others know that each is entitled an understanding of the term that satisfies them.

That said the second major issue in this topic for me as a parent is the extent to which I should participate in my children's paths to success. We commonly describe that participation as "pushing" but just as you can't herd cats, you can't really "push" your child. You can only support, encourage and empower them in their quest to reach that state that means success to them. In effect, to help them "push" themselves.

For me that support equates to communicating with them to learn their goals and aspirations and then doing everything I am able to help them achieve those. To using every skill, talent and ability I possess to provide an environment in which each of them can grow and progress toward the future they prize. And always from the ground of being that my love for them is unconditional and eternal.

Just as I don't do the children's homework for them, I must allow them to have their own experiences and do their own work on the path they choose. To do otherwise would rob them of the personal value that is the raw material of their ultimate success. So my efforts are constrained to providing the environment and opportunities that they need and allowing them to take advantage of those.

It is incumbent upon me as their parent to nurture them; to stimulate and encourage them and to provide guidance when and as they need it and to the extent that they can accept it. To be available to share their highs and lows and to always help them see the road to the future they desire when it seems to be obscured by the day to day details of their lives.

What I want is for them to feel that I was there for them during the highs and the lows. Hand in hand with them during their labors and efforts, as they experienced progress and frustrations, triumphs and disappointments. And that ultimately I am the admiring parent who understands how hard they worked and what they had to accomplish to follow their muse. Who loves, admires and appreciates them not only as my children but as accomplished people when they reach the top of whatever mountain means "success" to them.

If done successfully (by my definition) none of my children will feel that they have been pushed. Or hindered. Nor forced onto the path they followed. Instead they should feel proud of their efforts and accomplishments, satisfied with their lives and happy with themselves. Loved and worthy of love. Even if the end result differs from their original vision.

Learn more about this author, Rick Leigh.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.