by Patricia Bunch

Created on: March 17, 2009

My rights end where other's rights begin. What right do I have to add grief and agony to the souls of those who love me? Death is final, and suicide, death at ones own hand, is permanent; something one cannot undo after the fact. What right do I have to take my own life and leave all my responsibilities on the shoulders of those closest to me to carry? My personal right is to live the life I have been given and to play the hand life deals, ever so unpleasant as it may be.

My right is to take the pain and the hurt my life holds to those who truly love me, and let them help me carry my heavy load. Each one of them had much rather help me live than to watch me lowered into a cold dark grave never to see me again.

My right and my responsibility is to fight the demons which come at me in the darkest hours of the night when I am alone, in pain, and lonely, and if need be, to call those who love me to come help me fight to live. That is my personal right because I am an integral of a family unit who truly loves me. I have that right without the fear of being called "crazy" or "freaky".

I have fought the demons of suicide and I won because I had my family around me who allowed me to exercise my rights, freely. Medication is necessary for me to keep my chemical imbalance in check and I dare not be without it. Chemical imbalances in the brain tend to run in families. Alas, another of my family didn't exercise those inalienable rights and she is gone from us forever. When she died, a piece of our family died and our lives have been altered forever. She didn't have the right to do this most hurtful thing to her family who loved her and who would have carried her over the mountains she didn't have the strength to climb on her own, if she would have allowed us that opportunity.

Now she has taken herself away from this earth forever. When we had to face reality of what had happened, I realized how close I had come to doing the same thing and how thankful I was for the personal right to chose help and life. We don't have the personal right to add so much pain to our loved ones; the consolation of the whole matter is: ones thinking is so irrational when the demons attack, a victim of suicidal thoughts are to be forgiven for the hurt and sorrow their choice to end life brings to the ones left behind. That is our personal right and necessary to heal, forgiveness.

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