by Stephanie Flores

Created on: March 17, 2009   Last Updated: March 18, 2009

Caring for a spouse's elderly parent(s) should be shared. Life is a series of cycles. There are times within the cycle of life for which each of us has been cared for. And there are times for which we must do the caring. It is my hope when care is bestowed upon each of us, it is given in love. It is also my hope that in our time of bestowing care, we do so in love. When we move through our life journeys with love being our motivation, caring for each other does not make way for separating our parents as yours or mine. Human Beings are connected (whether we understand this or accept this, is crucial to how we relate to each other), honoring our connective bonds by caring for each other gives us a sense of worth. Our greatest gifts to each other are those shared with family and friends. It is a sad person who experiences life selfishly. Stepping outside our comfort zones to care for our spouse's elderly parent(s) can give us a priceless gift for which our lives are measured.

Accepting our spouse as our life partner often requires acquiring some of our spouse's assets and/or liabilities. While we may not "own" these acquisitions, we should recognize their value in so much as they do belong to our spouse. We may not care for or subscribe to our spouse's familiar ties or how they "do" things. Yet they are a part of the person we married and are therefore, in part, our family too. In this, it is found that we are indeed our brother's keeper. Should we therefore, having found ourselves as our brother's keeper, dictate to our spouse or our spouse's elderly parent(s) what they are to do or should do? Absolutely not! We can and should however, decide for ourselves how we conduct ourselves in the shared care of our spouse's elderly parent(s). How we choose to absorb the emotions, be they difficult or not, is up to us. We should not be mistaken in the challenges we face. Yet, we should communicate with our spouse as well as our spouse's parent(s), provided they are "able", that we find the shared care difficult (when it is) and rewarding (when possible).

We may at times, have to remind our spouse that our shared care of his/her elderly parent(s) is just that, shared. I suggest constant and open communication be the general rule/approach, as we may find ourselves solely caring for our spouse's elderly parent(s). In the end, I would ponder what if I needed to be cared for? Would I want my children and their spouses to care for me? My answer is yes; I'd want my children to care for me (all of my children, including the ones I acquired through marriage).

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