by Jennifer Gerber

Created on: March 16, 2009   Last Updated: March 18, 2009

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Isn't this the old adage that many of us live by? Well when interfering with another person's relationship, it should be our mantra. If you would not want someone to pry into your personal business, then return the favor and do not interfere in theirs. Of course there are certain exclusions to this theory, but we will get to those later.

Each of us has our own threshold of tolerance. What might be considered an absolute taboo for you could be perfectly acceptable by someone else's standards. This is especially true in interpersonal relationships. We have all witnessed a bickering couple where one or both individuals hurl insults with ferocity. The fierceness of the verbal battle becomes so heated that you swear the paint is literally going to start peeling off the walls. However, once the fight has subsided the two kiss and make-up, acting as if nothing remarkable happened. In your mind, you are replaying the events, wondering how either party can live in such a hostile environment, but for the couple this interaction is a completely normal way of life. If you were to interfere in this relationship and point out the perceived dysfunction, then you most certainly would be excluded from future party invitations and removed from the Christmas list.

Now there are times when it is not only warranted to speak up but you're morally obligated to do so. If the relationship has turned physically abusive, then you should step up to the plate and be the friend that makes the difficult call, especially if there are children involved. Regardless of whether either party acknowledges that there is a problem or even wants your help in this situation, you still need to do the right thing and call the authorities. The abuser feeds on the victim's fears and insecurities. They convince them that things will change and this time was the last time or that this relationship is the best that they can hope to have. Of course, all of these things are simply lies. Each of us is entitled to happiness and should be allowed to live our lives free of domestic violence. The victim however cannot see past the current predicament to make the necessary break. This is where you as a true friend come into play. You can be the catalyst that assists them in moving forward with a difficult transition and breaking the cycle of abuse forever. Do so before it is too late and someone ends up seriously injured or dead.

For the most part, I believe that it is up to us as individuals to make the choices that define our relationships. We choose to stay or go and what we are willing to tolerate in between. If you want to maintain your friendships along the way, then the best advice is to keep your opinions to yourself regarding the condition of their relationships. Trust me, if a friend wants your advice then they will ask for it.

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