by Heather Hogan

Created on: March 16, 2009

It was around this time four years ago that I had to tell my children their father and I were divorcing. I will give you a brief sypnosis on how the divorce affected them in the moment they were told, in the following months, and what they said to me this morning, four years later.

Divorce is actually a juvenile game of monopoly. Who is going to get park place (the house), the car, the dog, landing in jail is always a possibility, and you hope you don't get stuck on St. Charles place. The problem is, by the time you have moved around the board long enough to empty the bank and divide up all the property, you are so tired mentally and physically you might think why did I ever play this game.

Add kids to the mix, and divorce feels like you have entered hell! My children suffered the reprucssions from losing their house, to seeing their dog half the time, to splitting time with their parents, and the emotional rollercoaster they got on trying to figure out where they were moving,and trying to grasp how to feel safe when their whole life was turned upside down.

I sat my three children down on our couch. I told them I had something very important to say. They knew it was bad. When I told them that daddy and I were getting a divorce my seven year old at the time screamed "NO!" I sat there on the couch with my children for a long time hugging and crying. I tried to make them feel better. I explained that some things were changing, but basically, life was still happening. I told them to look out the window, and look at the beautiful sky, and the trees. I told them to stop and listen to the birds and the trees rustle in the wind. I explained that those beautiful sights and sounds were there before daddy and I got divorced, and would still be there long after our divorce. I wanted them to find peace in nature, and then maybe they would find peace in themselves.

The final words I said on the couch that day were these; "Remember, there is always someone in this world that has it worse than you and always someone that has it better. So accept what you have, embrace it, and love the hell out of it, and you will never feel unhappy or deprived."

No, I am not delusional. I understand and understood, that they are kids and all of that might not sink in right away. That is why I constantly talk about the free gifts in life and the beauty that surrounds them. I want them to take pleasure and appreciate who they are and what they are dealing with. I won't let them run from their emotions.

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