by Karen Moore

Created on: March 16, 2009   Last Updated: March 18, 2009

The stages of date rape

Let's stress that there are no set stages of date rape. There are warning signs that all should heed if they rear their ugly head, but don't be fooled into thinking that if someone's actions are not following a "stage" that the danger of rape is not there. Warning signs come from behavior, which is not always predictable. These warning signs are not all inclusive but should be taught to everyone so those looking in from the outside can step in to help, if need be, and those involved in the relationship can make wise choices for their own personal safety.

DOES NOT RESPECT YOUR WISHES

If a man doesn't respect what you want in the little things he will not respect you in the big things. They will ignore what you want to do and you compromise continually to do what he wants to do such as what movies you always go to. He will manipulate you into doing what he wants through any verbal means he can use.

TRIES TO CONTROL YOU

This extends to telling you who, what, when, where, why and how. They invade your life and make you feel guilty for talking to other friends, wanting to spend time with family, and doing anything that takes you away from them. They manipulate your emotions into always spending time with them away from your support group. They take over your finances, tell you what you can and cannot wear, who you can and cannot see, when you can and cannot do things, where you can and cannot go and how you are going to get there.

INVADES YOUR PERSONAL SPACE

He will touch you in inappropriate ways at inappropriate times such as groping you in the grocery store, holding onto you when others are around. He will treat you as a possession rather than a person. He will touch you when it is unwanted, even if you tell him not to. He will push this unwanted touching and then react in a manipulative way to defend his actions. (Not respecting your wishes again.)

DOWNGRADES YOU

Little by little the positive comments (if there were any) are turned into negative jabs at your physical appearance, how you dress, what you eat and/or finds ways to make you feel less of an equal to him. He may even come out and tell you that you are stupid. He will make it seem like you can't function without him in your life. Here again, if he downgrades you in the small details he will downgrade you in the bigger details.

BELITTLES OTHER WOMEN

He may often make comments that are derogatory towards other women. This can be comments toward women he knows or women who are perfect strangers.

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