by Leonard Simmons

Created on: March 15, 2009   Last Updated: September 03, 2009

How do we secure an abundant life when our habit is to shoot ourselves in the foot?

The Word of God is a start. All the mysteries of life are solved in His word. "All the promises of God are yes and amen."

A lifetime of bad decisions culminating in forgiveness through the sacrifice of the only righteous man who ever lived. But what now?

Forgiveness is the key: 1 John 1:8 & 9 "If we claim we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. 9. If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

We are forgiven for the sins we confess. But what of the sins we are not aware of, the sins we have hidden even from ourselves.

It is said; and I believe: we are only as sick as our secrets. Jesus came that we might have life, and have it more abundantly. In our universe there are three votes concerning the abundant life: the Kingdom of God, where we enjoy the fruit of the Spirit.

The Lord always votes for us! The Devil always against us. We have the deciding vote. He has forgiven us! But how will we vote if we have not forgiven ourselves?

At a point in my recovery, (restoration of my soul), I found myself arguing with my deceased father.

Usually in the shower, it would begin, low tones, a news update, a lament, a grievance or two. Eventually however, I would be raising my voice. I would bark how we wasted the time we had together, or the things I thought he could have done that may have better prepared me for life.

It happened once in a while over the years. But now, it was happening a couple times a week. Over the years, it was cathartic, an opportunity to get some things off my chest. Now it had become a rant.
Finally in a chat with my spiritual counsel, I related my experiences. She felt it was providential an opportunity.

She suggested I inventory our relationship. Make a list of my resentments. Everything my father did that hurt me. I learnd to follow the advice of this gifted woman.

I picked a Saturday and sat, a few minutes of prayer, and I began.
I listed all the things my father had done, things I found irritating, things that hurt me, finally, the things I couldn't let go of.
After an hour or so my list was about 7 or 8 items. Satisfied, I made an appointment to sit with my counsel and go over my list.

As was our custom we prayed together, and I began to read. 1, 2, 3, items, and suddenly, I burst into sobs. As I read my list I realized I was describing myself. This was a list

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