by Colette Duval

Created on: March 14, 2009   Last Updated: March 15, 2009

It is true to say that your spouse comes as a package: If he or she doesn't have children from a previous relationship - as is becoming increasingly common- they most probably have a set of parents who , from the moment you commit to your significant other, become part of your family.

Whether or not you will take to them , like them, become fond of them, or even grow to love them - your spouse most certainly does. This is the first and most important fact you have to accept . Regardless of his moaning and complaining about them, , regardless of whether he or she has a good relationship with his parents, These are the people who raised your partner and contributed greatly to the person you fell in love with.

Having said that, very few in-law relationships run completely smoothly and are subject to all the normal family dynamics that you would experience in any family, with parents , children or siblings. Unfortunately , in laws are a bit like the bad step mother, part myth and part joke, and not much evidence that certain negative preconceptions are actually based on fact.

I am sure my in laws where as nervous about meeting me for the first time as I was anxious to make a good first impression. First impressions are important, but since particular relationship will last til either the end of your marriage or the death of the ( aging) in laws, there is plenty of time to adjust and readjust your feelings and views .

Jealousy and control issues are common , but unless the relationship control gauge reads ' excessive behaviour zone', these emotions are very human and one should understand them as such. There are times I am jealous of my mother -in-law. Having grown up with parents who didn't show much physical affection , and with a strained relationship to my step mother I still feel a little twang of jealousy when my husband of over 20 years briefly strokes his mother's hair or says ' Love you'. But that is entirely my problem and for me to sort out. Most problems which occur and lead to unhealthy relationship patterns that last a life time have their origin in the individual's psyche. being aware of this goes a long way towards understanding why mother-in-law thinks she can buy love with gifts or large quantities of food, or why she criticizes your lack of interest in household chores. ( deep down she probably wishes she could let go a bit ...)

The more insecurities one has, the more one invites unwanted advice and criticism. It may be well -meaning advice, but nonetheless

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>