by Sam Brean

Created on: March 14, 2009   Last Updated: March 15, 2009

I was forty-seven-years old when my dad died. We had over fifteen-thousand days available to us to have a conversation about meeting girls; it never happened. He never offered, and I never asked him. Dad was a quiet guy and passed on the characteristic to his only son. He also was part of a generation of men who generally didn't talk much about life or emotions with their children.

I have a son. We talked briefly about meeting girls when he was twelve years old. It wasn't a meaningful conversation about birds-and-bees, or another subject that would be memorable to him. In fact, I think I was teasing him about having girl friends: yes, plural, the kid was a ladies man. I regret not pursuing that conversation and having others with him as he matured.

If one were to ask my son, "What are things your dad never told you about meeting girls?" his answer would be, "He didn't tell me anything." Because the answer about my dad is the same, it isn't difficult to compile a list of those messages; a list I can now pass on to my son:

I was painfully shy when girls first arrived on my planet; in the fifth grade. I kissed Gail on the lips somewhere within the walls of the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago, Illinois. It was the first time for us both. I re-met Gail forty-five years later and she couldn't wait to remind me of our hook-up. Son, make your first kiss a good one, it shall not be forgotten.

Don't be surprised when your attempts to meet girls who strike your fancy fail. The girls are experimenting their way through life, as you are, and not every contact is meant to become a Romeo and Juliet romance. Simply say "thank you, anyway" and consider the disappointment a lesson learned.

Girls don't have to be girlfriends, they can be buddies. Friendships are not policed by relationship cops who enforce laws of male-female relationships. Your feelings will tell you which is which; follow your heart.

Respect all girls and they will learn to offer their respect in return. When girls are secure in knowing you are a"nice guy" it will be easier for you to get to know each other better.

When your teenage hormones begin raging and your buddy-turned-girlfriend kisses you on the lips, remember that frequently words have double meanings: "I love you" and "please touch me" come to mind. If you hear these phrases, or get the brainy idea to say them, think about two words which have one meaning only: "stop" and "no." By the way, son, there is a special double-meaning word to store in your memory bank: "shotgun."

I realize offering these thoughts to you now is a life-stage or two late. Like my dad with me, I assume by now you've learned these things and much more in your own way, possibly the hard way. Perhaps if I had talked with you when you were younger, your path down learning about girls would have been smoother.

When you have a son, talk with him about meeting girls. The time will come when he is asked "what did your dad tell you," and he'll have a better answer than you and I have been able to provide.

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