by Alyssa Kae

Created on: March 14, 2009

Kindergarten. One long word to describe such a short-lived time in my life. As the saying goes you never really appreciate something until it is gone and that was how it was for me during that one school year. I look back trying to remember through the dim haze of that time when fun and games was woven into learning and education.

I was taller than most.

As has always been a fact regarding me. And it seems odd now for when I look at kindergartners they seem so much smaller than when I was their age.

I could not control my constant want for being noticed or to be wanted as a friend. Even then at such a small age I wanted to feel like I fitted in with all the other puzzle pieces around me. I had one or two "friends" who would let me sit at their little plastic table and eat with them imaginary foods and dishes. I would sing-a-long with the rest of the kids when there came a time but then I'd end up drifting off in some far off place no one knew of but me. I'd still be singing but it was only in the background.

I would ring out the vowels and consonants in my native tongue and then try to remember with the rest of the class the middle letters of the Spanish alphabet.

Kids would tease and lean over each other to pull each othere's hair as I would simply watch through misty far off eyes wondering what they were doing. I loved school then and I loved learning. There was something fun regarding to thought of being taught something new everyday. And I never thought in my wildest imaginations that any of it would grow tiring or that one day I would come to hate having to wake up in order to go to school. Hormones, "catfights", stress, girlfriends and boyfriends were all foreign words back then. Words like "cooties" were more common, boys running from girls and girls running from boys was seen everyday. No one worried about getting jealous or starting up a line of hurtful words. And when little spitfires came upon some they would be immediately be put out by the counselors. And when someone fell, a teacher was there to pick them up and give them a comforting shoulder as they hobbled to the nurse's office.

Fun and carefree times. Independence was impossible and unknown.

I was as bad as the rest never thinking that anything around me would ever change.

What did I think about back then? Other than clouds and far off stars? Where does a child's mind really wander off to? Who knows. Even though we all were there who of us can remember every thought, every emotion that went through us at every moment?

Childhood is such a strange time. We want things that are so small compared to what really matters and yet its the beginning of our lives. The start of a "whole new ballgame".

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