by B. Stone

Created on: March 13, 2009

Yes, people should have sex before marriage. This is not to say that sex is everything. It is an integral part of a healthy relationship. The ability to be intimate with the one you love is the ability to commune on a higher level. But couples should also spend time together, live together, travel together, know each other inside and out before making marital vows.

In earlier generations we have made marriage a standard operating procedure, you graduate from high school, possibly attend college, get married, have children, retire, and die. This was life's formula. Because of the social norms of getting married at a young age, many people chose to get married although they were far from ready, and possibly not suited for their spouse, leading to a high divorce rate. Today, although there is still the expectation to be wed by a certain age, many people are waiting. With the trend of waiting, the no sex before marriage rule has lost its validity. People are taking their time to date several partners before deciding to settle down, or even remaining with one person for years before getting married. Sex is generally a part of these short or long term relationships, but marriage is no longer an immediate necessity. Because social norms have relaxed, people have the freedom to take their time getting to know one another, and that includes getting to know each other sexually.

There is no question that marriage is a huge decision. It is a lifetime commitment. It involves sacrifice, patience, understanding, trust, and unconditional love. In order to be sure someone is right for you, it is necessary to really know them. This takes time. Waiting to become sexually intimate would put undue pressure on a couple to make a commitment before they are ready.

Also, having sex for the first time after getting married could actually disrupt the pre-marriage relationship. Sex in itself is a big commitment. It is giving yourself wholly to another person. It is wiser to know how you feel about somebody sexually before deciding to be with them for the rest of your life.

In the end, the decision to have sex and the decision to get married is between two people. Whatever a couple feels is right, is right for them. As a society, we would all benefit if we didn't have such rigorous social pressures, encouraging people to live their lives according to what other people have told them, what they have witnessed, or just what they assume, as opposed to what they feel.

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