by Tamara Brown

Created on: March 13, 2009

"I'm just no good at relationships!" It was after midnight and I was on the phone with Sarah who had just suffered a very nasty break up. To be honest, I was only half listening because this conversation was almost word for word the same as half a dozen late night phone calls over the years. I could almost mouth the phrases as she said them. "It all started off so well. Where did it go wrong? Why can't I ever make a relationship work?"

Finally, I had enough. "Sarah, why do your plants and trees always thrive while mine always whither up and die?"

I think I shocked her with the sudden topic change, but as a life long gardener, her response was automatic. "Well, I do have a green thumb but really I don't do anything special. I just follow the steps of timing, selection, preparation and maintenance."

"Then there is no reason why you can't be in a successful relationship, because the keys to a successful relationship are the same." There was silence on the line. I continued on. "I'll prove it to you. How do you plant a tree?"

"First, you need to make sure that it is the right season for planting. All the care in the world won't help if you try to plant in the middle of the winter. You also have to choose the right kind of tree and make sure that it is healthy."

"See, that just happens to be the first key to a good relationship."

Key #1

Timing: Plant in season. First, you need to know if it is the right season in your life to begin a relationship. Be realistic. Do you have the time and energy right now to give your all as half of a couple? Do you feel like you are really ready to make a commitment at your current age and circumstances?

Key #2

Selection: Do you want a tree that bears sweet fruit, gives shade or looks majestic next to the house? Asking out the biggest flirt at work is not going to end in marriage, babies, and a white picket fence. Pick the guy that matches the type of relationship you want to have. The selection process includes picking a healthy tree. If he spends the first date telling you how messed up he is from his last relationship, believe him. You may think that the idea of rescuing him is romantic, but it will only lead to problems later on.

Her voice still resonated with doubt as she told me the next step. "Once you have the right tree, you need to prepare the ground you will be putting it in. Let me guess; you need to do the same thing in a relationship"

"Of course," I said. "But realize that the ground you are planting in is you."

Key #3

Preparation:

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