by Melinda Barr

Created on: March 13, 2009

Although a relationship can survive without intimacy, it will not be a true and fulfilling relationship. Intimacy is far more than just sex and it the glue that holds everything else together. Without intimacy your relationship can become more like a working relationship than a loving relationship. We all need to love and be loved and yet so often fail to nourish this fragile bond.

Too often we get so caught up in the day to day chaos that surrounds us that this vital part of our relationship gets forgotten or ignored. The secret silence spoken only through a gentle caress or a knowing look cements our contentment in the relationship. And yet these are some of the things most readily sacrificed as we struggle to get through each day

Only loving partners can exchange such meaningful truths without speaking a single word. Every glance or gesture is understood only by the two people involved. We frequently allow the pressures of work or of our children to take precedence over this part of our lives. While partners do need to exist in a working environment, and sometimes need to put the children first, never should the relationship suffer as a result.

To remain in a committed loving relationship, you need to put yourself first. You need to have a strong hold on your own emotional and mental health. You need to feel good about yourself and secure in your environment. Your partner should be your number one priority always. While this does not mean that children and family members should be ignored, it does mean that they have a place or position on our priority list just as many others things do.

Establishing your "pecking" order should follow this format to ensure success. Self followed by partner, and then by children, family, friends, coworkers, community and then the rest of the world at large. If some of the intimacy has been drained from your relationship take a long hard look at this pecking order. In other words, community involvement should never be at the expense of your family. Children's daily activities and needs should never be at the expense of your partner.

There are still 24 hours in a day just as there has always been. And yet we to continue to almost flippantly cite the old "too much to do" excuse. There should never under any circumstances be so much on your plate at one time that you no longer have focus on yourself and your partner as a priority.

Are you so busy and focused on your children that your partner has come to feel abandoned or neglected? Does your extended family use up too many of the hours that you should be giving to your own little family unit? Does your job leach too much of your time and energy from you?

If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you should consider taking some steps to put the focus back where it belongs on yourself and your partner. Make time each day to reconnect, even if it is only a short period of time. Make a weekly date with your partner where it only the two of you together no matter what else is going on. To be truly loved and cherished you first need to learn to love and cherish in return.

Learn more about this author, Melinda Barr.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.