by Cyd Madsen

Created on: March 13, 2009   Last Updated: April 27, 2009

After enjoying 31 years of a robust and healthy marriage, I can say with unwavering certainty that I don't have a clue how it happened. The best I can offer is that it's been luck, then try to deconstruct that luck and hopefully pass along some tips that will help others live happily ever after.

Our first bit of luck was that both of us had been actively planning to find the perfect mate. Neither one of us were consciously aware that that we had a plan, and neither of us knew that we were looking for the right person to fall in love with, rather than just wandering around and hoping that love would strike like a bolt of lightening. My husband knew what he wanted in a wife, and I knew exactly what I wanted in a husband. First came knowing the kind of person we wanted to share the business of life with, then once our paths crossed, love blossomed. It was luck on purpose.

We were lucky in the way we approached marriage, but we were also smart. Any type of success depends on knowing your goals and developing a plan for achieving those goals. How odd it is that we set no goals or develop a plan for meeting that goal when choosing a life partner. Instead we wait to hear little birdies singing in crystal blue skies, then brace ourselves as we wait for Cupid's arrow to strike. Too often Cupid's arrow is thrown off track by the rush of youthful hormones or romantic fairy tales. I didn't trust his aim, so I took control of that aim myself. I hit a bullseye.

I think that having realistic expectations has also figured into the success of my marriage. Both my husband and I had dated enough and been disappointed enough when we met to understand that no one person can fulfill all the needs of another. No one person is responsible for the absolute happiness of another. From the day we were married, we both seemed to realize that marriage one very large element of a rich and fulfilling life, not the totality of it. Neither one of us have ever expected the other to share the exact same interests and passions as the other, nor have we felt abandoned and let down if we've been left to indulge a particular pleasure with a friend or family member who shares that particular pleasure.

However, that pleasure does not extend into sexual areas. Nope. We stood in front of an officer of the law (ours was a civil ceremony), family, and friends, and we made solemn promises about certain things. One of them was to remain faithful to each other. It hasn't always easy to keep that promise, especially

• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next Page >>