by Mel R

Created on: March 12, 2009

You probably shouldn't tell a child that they were adopted when you are in line at the supermarket and they are screaming for a ridiculously over priced box of super sugared breakfast cereal.I'm sure it's not a good idea to tell them this when they are acting up in the car, just threaten to pull the car over.I'd advise against telling them that are adopted when you are disappointed in their grades or conduct at school.Don't bring it up right after their team just lost the big game.I'd also keep quiet about their adoption when discussing their taste in clothing, music, or choice of friends.It might be best to stay away from the subject any time you might be tempted to compare them with their siblings or peers.It's a good thing to stay away from when a child might express some dis-satisfaction with their looks or body type.I certainly wouldn't bring up adoption when discussing college options and plans for the future.It would be best not to discuss in reference to any major life passages such as graduations, weddings, or birth of their children.The fact is your child should already know that they are adopted before any of these things take place. A child should be told that they were adopted from the beginning. Their adoption is one of the most significant events in both the life of the parents and the child. It is about the child's origins and that of the family. It's a good thing and should be treated as such.Parenting an adopted child has different challenges than parenting a naturally born child. Dealing with these challenges requires honesty on the part of the adoptive parent. A child finding out that they were adopted later can cause feelings of betrayal and shame. They will wonder why they weren't told. The older the child is when they discover that they were adopted, the intense these feelings will be. Adults that discover that they were adopted frequently are estranged from their adoptive families. When discussing adoption with your child, tell them that you love them, tell them that you are proud to be their parent, tell them that you can't imagine your life without them, but don't tell them that they are chosen, or a gift. Keep in mind that no matter how much you wanted your child, someone else gave them up. Be prepared to help your child deal with this. Read everything that you can about raising an adopted child. There is a lot out there, some of it conflicting, just take the best of what you read and remember even though it's hard, raising a happy confident child is worth the effort.

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