by Steph Broadbent

Created on: March 12, 2009   Last Updated: March 13, 2009

The biggest barrier to trusting your teen, is the unpredictable nature of the beast. If you could be sure that your teen would remain, the delightful dinner companion, or the chatty child who tells you every detail of their life, then there would be no problem. But that is not the way teenagers work.

We all know that there are times when your teen feels confused by the strength of their emotions, and they can become non communicative, stroppy and difficult. There is something unnerving to a parent about these mood swings, never quite knowing from one day to the next what type of being is going to emerge from their bedroom.

Basically teenagers still want approval, no one likes to be thought badly of. The big difference between the teen and a child is that the approval; they seek is often that of people outside the home and it can be difficult to grasp why in order to gain approval they must wear ridiculous clothes, and to do things that could be considered risky.

The first thing that will allow trust to remain between teens and parents is communication. Ensure that there are times at home when natural conversation can take place, maybe over dinner. Really listening to your teen talk, will give you an insight into their world. Encourage open discussion, and if possible include your teens friends in lively discussion and debate. If you know what is going on in your teens life, it is much easier to trust.

Set clear and acceptable boundaries agreed by both sides to be acceptable. This may mean compromise, for example, allowing a teen to stay a little later somewhere providing they agree to be picked up by a parent. Try to be reasonable in your boundaries and emphasize that this is an agreed boundary and if your teen can be trusted to stay within it, then the boundaries can become more flexible over time. Explain to your teen that building trust is a gradual process and that they have to earn trust in order to be trusted.

Probably the most important point is to be clear about the consequences if trust is broken. It almost does not matter which consequences you choose, whether it be docking allowance or grounding them. But it should be immediate and pre agreed. It also helps to point out how disappointed you are that they have chosen to break the trust between you and be clear that this means that they will have to work harder now to rebuild that trust.

With fair treatment and open discussion, your teen will begin to understand taking responsibility for their own actions and a strong adult relationship between you will flourish.

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