by Brigid Bishop

Created on: March 11, 2009   Last Updated: August 05, 2009

Preparing your child or children for life with a special needs sibling is not always possible. Frequently, the fact that a sibling is going to have special requirements is not discovered until after the birth of the child. Perhaps this is not evident until developmental markers are missed, as was the case with my youngest sibling, Jenny, afflicted with autism long before it had received any press.

Prior to Jenny's arrival I already had a "special needs" sibling, a brother, six years younger, born with a severe heart defect. When Jenny came along when I was fourteen years old, we had no idea that she would be a special needs child.

With the advent of ultrasound and amniocentesis, parents can be aware in advance on a much more frequent basis than in the past, yet, how do you prepare your existing children for the arrival of this special bundle of joy?

The first considerations are the "special needs" that are expected and the age(s) of your existing children. Children as young as eight are capable of understanding that a special needs child will require extra attention, however, younger than this and you may really not be able to prepare them at all. You will find yourself more likely educating very young children as you go through the process of learning to care for your special needs child yourself. Answering questions honestly as they arise from your youngster is the best approach for your child to gain an understanding of what challenges their new sibling is facing.

If your children are between the ages of eight and twelve, you can prepare them by honestly telling them what the specific additional needs of the new sibling will be, to the best of your knowledge. At this age, although still quite young, the children can grasp the concept that the new child may not be able to hear, to see or to speak, even as they grow, and dependent upon what condition the child is diagnosed with, that the new sibling may well remain a "baby" for life.

Kindness and compassion are required when answering questions concerning the disability that is being faced. Remember that children can be quite blunt and in their blunt questions lies the opportunity to be direct and realistic in describing what they can expect. Books on the specific disability will prove quite helpful for both you and your children, as no matter how much a parent may believe they are prepared for a special needs child, the actual stresses and limitations can challenge the most loving parents and will

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