by Volecia Plafcan

Created on: March 11, 2009

LIFE ON THE FARM - The Smoking Hen

The Farmers' Almanac had been consulted for the tenth time, when Uriah announced we could expect rain. I didn't put much stock in the Almanac as here it was afternoon, already, and not a drop, yet. However, I concurred that showers were imminent for I could, indeed, put stock in the herd of flies that clung around my tail like glue when rain was approaching and the tail-slapping started. Back and forth, back and forth.....

Granted, I tried to ignore them but, if I trotted, they trotted and if I stopped, they stopped. "You're jus' gonna hafta learn to live with 'em," Eula told me when I tried to complain. Farm wives can be hard on a body sometimes, but, I knew she knew better, so I didn't bother her with them again. Besides, she had given me that squinty-eyed look that told me to beat it! They were my albatross to bear. There was one consolation, and that was when the sun shined, after the rain, they would be gone in a flash.

My rainy day friends and I ambled to the outdoor toilet. Something told me there was an evilness seeping from the cracks. As I came closer, smoke billowed from them. The outhouse was well-built and to this day, I don't know why the cracks were so large. Lord help us if the catalog was on fire.

I poked my head in the door and it was just as I suspected. There sat Marley and Poppsie puffing up a storm on the cigarette butts they had found in the front yard - left there just last night by old Mr. Page, Dookie's uncle, as he and Uriah sat and talked in the pitch black night.

"Get outta here, Fanny!" Marley ordered me. "Quit puffing so hard, Poppsie! Gran's gonna see the smoke!" Marley fussed as she coughed and glared at me.

She fanned the air with the Sears Roebuck catalog, put there as a substitute for the store bought tissue that Uriah deemed a waste of money. "It will serve the purpose and at the same time, you can look at the purty girls." He had said with finality, giving Eula a "I can look, can't I?" Which, she, in turn, gave him the same squinty-eyed look she had given me earlier in the day.

"Well, I can LOOK, can't I?" He flung over his shoulder as he headed to the door.

Seeing that I wasn't leaving, Poppsie and Marley vehemently carried on with their puffing. They knew it was taboo on the farm and I suppose that was the reason they were rebelling. The ingrates! I just could not believe my eyes!

"Do this." Marley told Poppsie as she inhaled deeply from the yellowed butt. Yucks! She puckered her mouth and out

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