by Jacqulyn Martin

Created on: January 27, 2007   Last Updated: May 04, 2007

"Greek Exploits With Extra Feta"

*Disclaimer*
The following article takes place at my local townie bar. To be more specific, the place where people who didn't get along in high school can not get along even better, only with much more beer and much less space. It's dark. It's cramped. There's never good music on the jukebox, there is literally only enough room for 6 tables placed almost on top of each other, and a pool table that you can only play on if you're comfortable with sodomizing the people around you. Out-of-Towner's, commonly recognized as literate people who have all or most of their teeth, are not welcome.

There we were, two decently attractive women in our early twenties enjoying the finest Ale to come out of St. Louis Missouri since since Well, you get the idea. We were laughing, catching up on old times, standard girl chat, when it happened. The Inevitable. In walked our suitor of the evening, decked out in his finest Wal*Mart Leather jacket, his shiny mane primped to perfection, gold chain screaming "Pimp Daddy." It was orgasmic.
He carefully selected his seat at the bar, leaned back, placed one black boot on the stool next to him, and began his mating ritual. It was truly a sight to be seen. Fortunately for me, he seemed to have his sights set on my friend. The courting process consisted solely of staring intently at her for a good two hours. He was obviously a professional. He knew his game.
"Hello Ladies, my name is Tony. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance." This is about the point at which I choked on my mouthful of beer and laughed until I pissed myself. "My friends over there think you two are the most beautiful women in this bar. We were hoping to get to know you."
"I should hope we are," remarks my witty cohort. "We're competing against someone with her name on her bar stool, someone who just fell off her bar stool, and someone who isn't old enough to sit on a bar stool."
After entertaining his stories about his lucrative advertising career that was cut short in order to pursue teaching at the local Technical High School, paired with his chilling tale of the first time he imbibed alcohol after months of abstaining because yadda yadda yadda, some male friends of ours finally noticed our distress and swept in to interject against our suitors efforts. Within minutes our Tony was brushed into the sidelines, forced to return to his friends as the defeated, still-womanless man I'm sure they all know him as anyway.
My friend and I stayed for another drink or four before heading home to our respective domains. Of course, one of our Tony's friends was actually fairly decent looking. Perhaps we would have been able to hook up with him without feeling the need to claw our own skin off after the encounter, but alas, we were never graced with his presence.

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