by Howard Farkas

Created on: March 10, 2009

Diets are guaranteed to fail when dieters believe that they must abstain completely from "bad" foods. If they eat any amount of those foods, it means they've lost control and have fallen off the proverbial wagon.

Their thinking goes something like this: "If I already blew it, what difference does it make if I messed up a little or a lot?" The upshot of this thinking is, "So I might as well go all the way!" It gives a whole new meaning to the expression, "In for a penny, in for a pound," doesn't it?

This kind of thinking sets up false alternatives. People with this perception see only two categories: all or nothing. More precisely, in the case of food choices, they are either in control or out of control. Being in control means avoiding forbidden foods completely.

Since the permissible quantity of the forbidden foods is zero, then total abstinence is the only way to stay in control. Any amount beyond zero, whether it's one small bite or a wild binge, puts the person in the only other category available: Out Of Control. Therefore, all quantities are equally bad and one equals one hundred. That's what I would call new math for dieting.

This is a concept that psychologist Alan Marlatt wrote about in his research on the treatment of addiction. He called it the Abstinence Violation Effect. This refers to the feelings of guilt, helplessness and hopelessness that follow a minor lapse and that make the person feel like such a failure that there's no point in even trying, so the minor lapse becomes a major bender.

I once asked a serial dieter who had this view of control to describe what the experience is like for her when she's
on a diet. She thought for a moment and said simply, "It's like walking on a tightrope." I thought that summed up the experience perfectly: either you're on it or you're off it. There is nothing in between. A small slip is the same as a swan dive into the net below. Show's over.

The comparison goes beyond that, though. While you're dieting, all of your physical and mental energy is focused on maintaining control, just as if you were balancing on a tightrope. It's not a natural or comfortable way of being, but it's okay, you think, because if you can just hold out long enough it will be over. Then you can relax and feel a great sense of accomplishment.

The problem is that once you get to the other side, you do relax, and return once again to your previous behavior. That's
what typically happens with dieting as well. In fact, the very idea of being "on a diet" implies that at other times you are off the diet. Whether you've
completed it or have fallen off doesn't really matter, because either way
you're off. And just like the tightrope performer, you relax and return to your old behavior again.

Healthy eating is not a performance; it's a necessary part of living that can also allow you to experience enjoyment, health, and happiness. None of those things are really possible when you're always concerned about being just one bite away from plummeting out of control.

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