by Anne Marie Whitmore

Created on: March 10, 2009   Last Updated: March 11, 2009

People change. The trick is to change together, with your spouse.

You can avoid divorce and enjoy a long, happy and fulfilling marriage if you apply these few simple techniques to your relationship. I should know: I've been married more than 35 years.

Nobody wants to be difficult; few people want to intentionally cause problems for others, especially those they love. The first thing is to identify the cause of the problem. Is it problems at work, unemployment, financial difficulties, relationship problems with children, friends or relatives? Is it illness, diagnosed or undiagnosed? Once you know, you can focus on the root cause and its branching effects. You both need a complete medical check-up. If either of you are on medications, pay attention to the side effects. Ask your doctor: depression and anxiety can often be alleviated by a change in medication. And negative emotions such as stress can lead to high blood pressure, heart attacks and stroke.

I'm all for woman's rights and (especially) fulfillment. But sometimes a woman has to give more kindness than she gets. Its worth it in the long run, when things get better you'll both be glad you coped and you'll have the satisfaction of having weathered the crisis together. The rewards in love and living the good life in your "Golden Years" are immeasurable.

While you are out to relieve his stress, take care of yourself and keep trying to be patient, calm and loving. Be a good listener, practice positive communication and know when to shut up. Don't chatter on or worry him with your minor problems or details he doesn't need to know about. In fact, you can take a lot of details off his back, such as helping him with his resume and finding job leads. The more you can help the better.

Whether you work outside the home or not, whether you have kids at home or not-make some quality time for the two of you. If money is an issue, you can cut coupons and look for ways to save, perhaps switching to a cheaper phone or internet company. Don't forget to occasionally cook his favorite dinner or dessert. Take time for some fun, like sharing a romantic TV movie. Even if money is tight, don't be embarrassed to socialize with old friends, who can often help both practically and psychologically.

Good deeds and loving thoughts attract more good deeds and loving kindness in return. Remember your hubby's good qualities, and why you fell in love with him in the first place. Then fall in love with him all over again.

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