by Jacquie Schmall

Created on: March 10, 2009

A crowd at a party, a supermarket, or in a schoolyard, look a bit like each other if you see it from an airplane. If you are present in any large group, and become painfully aware you feel lonely instead of connected. There are some things to try, before you give up and go home, or shrink to a corner feeling left out and upset.

Joining with the energy, or with another person in a crowd of strangers is easier some of the time, but not all of the time. If you suddenly feel lonely in a crowd, don't panic.

I think everyone experiences this phenomenon at some point in their life. Your brain needs to create a kind of social energy refill. It is time to awaken your curiosity about your surroundings, rather than feel stuck in your isolation.

I remember times I got in the car to go shopping, or to the movies. Like a shroud, feeling lonely clung to my shoulders until I wasn't busy, and suddenly fell to the floor leaving me exposed, and uncomfortable. It seems to be an unpredictable social experience. When it happens to me, I find curiosity helps me feel connected in a positive way.

There's a bit of magic in a turn of the head, when that feeling of isolation pops up. Look at the person next to you or across the aisle. Focus on a baby sitting in a passing carriage, or behind you in line at the register. The point being, allow your eyes to carry you out of your self imposed isolation by focusing on something aside from your intense awareness. The brain has a radar that can pick up a positive signal from another. Of course, you need to be willing to seek it out.

Shove the self awareness aside by allowing your curiosity a bit of playtime. Search out the magazine covers if your in line, pick one of them up and read for a few minutes. That might break the spell. If not, well then, try to notice a hat, or scarf, or pretty baby, and comment to the most likely person how much you admire that great whatever. You can break the spell in this way.

Every crowd has a certain energy level. If it is purely a social event, and you suddenly feel as though you should have stayed home, stop for just a moment, and tune into the energy being tossed around. Sometimes, just that little attention will help you climb over the fence, and get involved in a nearby conversation. If not, refocus again. Perhaps take a moment to get a drink. Make contact with someone already drinking, and ask them how their drink is, what it is, and where to get it. Engage someone in the crowd, and you won't feel so alone. At least you will sidetrack that raw feeling of being spun around by an impersonal breeze.

In addition to a profound sense of being alone, if you experience fear, and anxiety, perhaps you would do well to consult with a professional. They will be able to help you overcome the problem.

It might take some practice at home, however, it is possible to reconvene the random thoughts that get loose from your mind, arrange them with intention, and discover how you can stay in close contact with the friendly and warm energy of those in the crowd around you.

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