by Cherie Camins

Created on: March 10, 2009

My definition of cheating is simple. If you are in a committed, monogamous relationship with someone, and you are hiding the attachment (both physical and/or emotional) you formed with someone else you are not with, then you are cheating.

Having sex with someone else while you are in a relationship with another is cheating. There are no excuses for it, and it does not matter if that other person in question is a prostitute or a fellow coworker. You are still cheating. Most people will agree with this.

The second part of cheating, though, is where people may differ on. It is not only through the physical that constitutes someone as a cheater, but also the emotional as well. Before anyone jumps in and says that you cannot hold one's emotions against them, and this is true to an extent. This is why I qualified my statement with "hiding the attachment." You may enjoyed spending time with someone of the opposite sex, talking to them on the phone, or going out with them (as in not a date) after work.

For the most part, that is fine, but only if your significant other is aware of the friendship at hand. If you find that you are hiding your calls, texts, or meetings with the other person from your significant other, then you are cheating emotionally. If you find that you would rather spend more time with this other person than your significant other, then you are cheating emotionally, especially if you are despising going home to see your significant other, or just seeing that person in general.

Just because it does not start with sex does not mean it is not cheating. If you are basically having a relationship with this other person, over what you have with the person you are currently with, and all that is missing is the sex? Then yes, you are cheating. The line that is crossed is not sex, it is when you form that attachment that slips into raising that person above your significant other.

Not to mention that having an emotional attachment with someone else who is not your significant other can lead to cheating by the physical. You start slow by becoming that person's friend and hanging out with them all the time, even to the extent that you hang out with them more than you do your significant other. You grow to care for that person more and more until, if you do not check what you are doing, you fall in love with that person. Then it can and often does lead to sex.

This happened to me in a previous relationship, and I even pointed it out to my ex that he was spending a lot of time with this woman while not spending that much time with me. He told me that they were friends and he was just being friendly. Because I loved him, I took his word on it despite my feelings for the otherwise. Months later, he fell in love with her and planned on having an affair with her right under my nose. He had been cheating on me for months with this woman and he had the nerve to deny that it was cheating. Of course it was cheating, he just had not gotten physical with her just yet. But everything else was a classic case of having an affair.

My definition of cheating is simple because in the end, both the physical and the emotional ways means you are betraying the trust of the one you are with. You are being dishonest with them and that is not what a relationship is supposed to be.

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