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even records an incident of molesting a girl with a disability out of desperation. He craved love and attention that he felt he lacked as a child and as a result of his parent's divorce. Couple that with not fitting in with your friends or any other scene in your town and it creates a life-long impression on a person. It did for Kurt.

He was very sensitive when it came to the women in his life. He had maybe one other serious girlfriend besides Courtney Love and channeled his emotions through his music. Kurt could not keep a job, nor did he want to. He knew he wanted to play music and nothing else. He deliberately took the jobs with the lowest possible responsibility, like a night janitor which is parodied in the infamous Smells Like Teen Spirit video. He played at local shows and parties, took in many shows and bands like the Melvins and gathered what would be Nirvana.

Kurt had issues, however. It can be read in his lyrics and journals, you can hear it in the strain of his voice and see it on his face. What started out as pot smoking when he was about 13 quickly developed into ecstacy use and heroin. He used the drugs not just as an emotional escape, but also as a pain reliever for what could only be described as "I.B.S" by doctors. No perscription seemed to work for him. Drugs seemed to be the only answer. People knew it, but most of them were into it, too. By the time they realized Kurt was way farther into they knew, it was too late.

Kurt has always reminded me of a character from Of Mice and Men. He was deathly afraid to open up to people for fear of hurting them. He would say things like he just felt so much love for people, it would make his heart ache. He was a very intense man in every aspect, yet kept silent for the most part.

He wasn't a tall man and was very thin. He tended to wear layers of clothing to bulk himself up. This of course became a trend in the early 90's, but Kurt was just being his own insecure self. It's surprising to think that he would choose an outgoing, mouthy ass kicker like Courtney Love. She was the center of attention while Kurt was a wallflower. They had an instant physical attraction, followed by a physical fight and Courtney knew he had to be hers.

Ive seen copies of notes written by Kurt apparently to Courtney calling her a psycho and saying he is in no way attracted to her and to please just leave him alone. Maybe he did think that, but not for long. Courtney gave Kurt that Heart Shaped Box he sings about. He wrote her endless

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