by Laurie Cirivello

Created on: March 09, 2009   Last Updated: March 10, 2009

The Complete Story: Perspectives from an Adoptee

Every person has a story; unique to them and created out of their personal characteristics, experiences, and connections in the world. I am, for instance, a wife, a mother, and a career woman. I am also an adoptee. For many of us who were adopted during a time when nearly all adoptions were closed, being adopted created a hole in our own story; rather like a book that begins with chapter two. No prologue. No back-story. No anchor to what came before.

I was very fortunate to be raised by loving parents (and yes, they are my parents). Adopted in 1961 at 18 months old, mine was a closed adoption. Records were sealed and my birth certificate changed. Though often presented as a means to "protect the child", the altering of birth certificates actually began in the 1920's, by the infamous baby broker Georgia Tann, to cover her unscrupulous practices. Even so, the practice continues to this day.

As a child, I always new I was adopted and the details of how I joined the family were simply part of my unique story. We found the altered birth certificate amusing and justifiably questioned the accuracy of the one page description of my supposed "birth parents" provided by the adoption agency. Filled with glowing descriptions of two fine young people who simply made a mistake, it was clearly designed to assure the adoptive parents that I came from "good stock". My parents certainly did all they could to provide pieces of my story. I was most fortunate that they were understanding with my questions and told me all they knew, time and time again. This approach satisfied me well enough for a long time. I knew the blank pages existed, but as a young person, I was focused on the future.

Eventually I married, and it was when I gave birth to my first child that my perspective changed. I suddenly experienced a profound need to fill in "chapter one". Now these were not just pages about my life, but also the prequel for my son's own story. I began to discuss my "need to know" with family and friends. While most were sympathetic, and even encouraging, some warned that I might learn something upsetting. My response to skeptics was simple. My life story is what it is and NOT knowing is worse than any truth.

Beginning with the adoption agency that handled my case, and encouraged by a search advocate, I was eventually able to speak with the original caseworker. Twenty-five years later, she was nearing retirement, but still working. Following

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