by Michael Rampa

Created on: March 09, 2009   Last Updated: March 11, 2009

Having entered my forties with lots of dating mileage and a few long term relationships under my belt, I have finally figured out what women want. It's VERY simple As much as they'll deny it, they want: a jerk. Beyond the "bad boy". They want to be ignored, mistreated and secondary in your life

"Bad Boy" doesn't mean you need to be a James Dean type, you can wear a suit and have a respectable position in society, but there must be something mysterious and aloof about you. You do need, however, to be a complete jerk. Be vague, nonchalant and above all, ignore her.

Women want to come in second behind your career. They don't mind being blown off for late meetings because it is a sign that you have a successful career. That's good because they'll tell all their friends about their successful boyfriend. Flattery is key. It's one of the few weapons men have in our very limited arsenal to make women stupid. Like Chris Rock said, "Women need three things: food, water and compliments. Tell her she's beautiful, that no one at work is smarter than her, whatever you can sling her way. She will melt as you shore up her insecurities. Also, you should cheat at least once, preferably with someone younger and hotter. This keeps your stock price up. She wants to feel inferior to someone else who thinks you're desirable. You need to look like a catch on the open market, not just in the little cocoon you've built. She needs to feel like she's your second choice. She must be kept grounded.

Here's a partial list of women's celebrity faves: Bret Michaels the cheesiest lead singer from one of the worst hair bands ever. But he wears a bandana and a cowboy hat. And now he has a reality show that's worse than his band. A little known fact, the band's roots are in Harrisburg, PA so the line "just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song," is not exactly a part of Bret's upbringing. There was a screen name on a dating site "bretmichaelsfan" I rather see "deesniderfan." Next Narcissus himself. Matthew McConaughey. If you could find a picture of him with his shirt on, it would be the equivalent of a UFO sighting. He fantasizes about himself while masturbating. His monstrous ego is skewed as "confidence" by swooning girls. Again, be an a hole. Next up Russell Crowe. If we men put a woman who clubbed someone with a phone on the head on our sexiest list, we would be crucified, but Crowe's notorious fighting escapades fling him ever upward on the ladies' most desirable list. Javier Bardeem (He's the psycho from No Country for Old Men) One of the most unattractive celebrities, but hey, he is famous and that's what matters when women are keeping score. Johnny Depp. Can't say too much bad about this guy. They closed the book on cool when he was born. The worst you can say is that he's strange. Women love his mysterious ways. Important lesson here guys. Be weird Big turn on, just don't turn into a "cutter" and bleed for recreation.

Wanting a nice guy who is romantic, enjoys long walks on the beach and epitomizes every clich you can think of is the greatest myth in society today. Remember Ignore, cheat and mistreat. It's the key to a girl's heart. Don't let anyone else tell you differently. Especially a woman. Even Oprah. I've got everything you need, now let's get that drink.

Learn more about this author, Michael Rampa.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.