by Cinda Smaagaard

Created on: March 08, 2009

Regret is sorrow, distress or misgivings concerning events from one's past. More often than not, it involves how one acted or did not act wisely. It may be over someone or something lost, remorse over sin, or an event causing irreparable damage. Although you most often hear about one expressing regret at the end of one's life, some folks are simply unable to forgive themselves or others over the course of a lifetime. Their whole life is one of regret, for the adoption, the divorce, the loss of a business or finances, for not taking better care of themselves, or traveling more, or even something as simple as not going to the highschool prom.

It is possible to live a life without regrets because regretfulness is an attitude held in the mind. The sorrowful emotion can and should be put in its rightful place alongside false hopes and undeserved guilt. When I was an adolescent, I loved books by the famous classic author William Somerset Maugham such as "On Human Bondage." In that book, he wrote that if one were going to do a dastardly deed, they should damn well not beat themselves up for it afterwards. What I learned from Maugham was that if you know you will be burdened with guilt, remorse or a huge sense of regret due to the commission of a crime, then do not do it. Rationalization and excuses will not do much either to diminish the pain. If one is going to go forward, they will have to pay the price and when one knows what the price will be, you have one of two choices. You can feel the pain of regret or you can set your mind to dismissing it or allowing it or forgiving it or accepting it as a lesson learned, the hard way. When you forgive yourself and move on into the future, understanding that the past no longer exists except as some kind of mental construct laden with possible roadblocks to future progress, then it is possible to live without regrets.

Here are five ways to live a life without regrets.

1) Understand the concept of time. The past is no longer in existence and nothing and no one can bring it back. Memories are just mental constructs; bad memories are injurious to one's mental health. What you think may not even be what is in truth. That lady you slighted on the bus years ago most likely did not give your actions a second thought over time.

2) Do not do anything which you will regret. Sounds simple because it really is. Do not do the crime unless you are prepared for the time and, believe me, you will be harder on yourself than anyone else will ever be over the long haul. No one else really cares as much about what you did, as you do. Today's newspaper is tomorrow's landfill.

3) Forgive and forget it. Nothing is so horrendous that God is not able to forgive a repentant heart. Mend and repair where possible, but do not add fuel to a smoldering flame. Do not depend upon a past which is gone or a future not yet in existence.

4) Try to accomplish all your goals and challenges to the best of your ability. Job, school, travel, marriage, home ownership, whatever it may be, the only regret should be that you did not try your best to accomplish your own goals and personal limits. So long as you are still alive, you can still reach for the prize.

5) Weigh the cost. Regret serves no purpose but to make you or others sad. Learn from mistakes which are inevitably going to happen anyway. They may have been unavoidable despite your best intentions. It is not a shame to BE stupid, it is only regretful if one STAYS stupid or continues doing things which are potentially regretful.

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