by Mark Zeiger

Created on: March 08, 2009

Power can come to a child in unexpected forms. Pursuit of that power can lead even a child to do strange things, such as willingly putting off the acquisition of useful and liberating skills.

I can't tell you how old I was, because I don't remember. Apparently I was old enough, at least by the standards of the day, that I should have been able to tie my own shoes. Therein lay my power. I probably wasn't consciously aware of my manipulative behavior, but I do remember a vague notion that I took more pleasure in having someone else tie my shoes than to take that responsibility on myself. Power flowed from getting someone to stop what he or she was doing to tend to my need. I saw no advantage to doing it myself. I was perfectly willing to wait for someone else to do it. I had the time; I had no pressing engagements.

My parents explained the process to me each time they tied my shoes, apparently hoping that I would catch on. My aunt and uncle took a different view. They seemed more exasperated than my parents were by my lack of skill, and apparent lack of interest in acquiring it. They tried repeatedly, with good intent but growing impatience, to teach me to tie my shoes. I learned how to untie them readily enough, but that didn't seem to help. I remember my aunt's announcement that he would teach me, and my unspoken response along the lines of "we'll see about that." I'd give a lot to know my parents' thoughts on that scene! I beat her, which is saying something. My mother's younger sister had been a teenager in our house when my brother and I were infants. She was tough, and knew how to deal with my brother and me, but she was destined to fail. I had the power!

Oddly enough, I was not uninterested in knots. At this same time I delved into the mysteries of the overhand knot. It captured my imagination and focus, perhaps to the exclusion of shoe tying.

I don't remember who finally taught me to tie my shoes. Most likely my older brother did. He taught me most of my important skills: opening doors, talking, cursive writing, swearing. Shoe tying, like so many other projects was probably taught and learned in secret, to be sprung fully accomplished on an unsuspecting adult world. What I do remember is that by the time I started tying my own shoes, there were few mistakes. Apparently, I had the process down thoroughly before I ever seriously attempted it.

Ultimately, I had to learn to tie my own shoes, and in the process allow the power I'd enjoyed to slip away. Perhaps the new power of self-sufficiency became a fair trade, perhaps not. Apparently, for whatever reason, and for whatever sacrifice, the time came for me to tie my shoes and look for a new source of power from which to draw.

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