by Gordon Sumner

Created on: March 08, 2009

Fellow travelers, airline employees and anyone else who flies on a regular basis, here are a few simple suggestions laid out in memo style to help all of us improve our behavior and make flying the friendly skies a much less painful experience. Granted, there is no official how to guide on airplane etiquette, but this is a start:

Memo: To the co-pilot who isn't flying the plane today: Most of us do not enjoy listening to idle chit chat in the middle of the in-flight movie, nor do we appreciate any announcement at all during overnight flights; it would be like me banging pots and pans outside your door at night when you have just fallen asleep. And, by the way, turn down the volume and static on that P.A. system from 1967.

Memo: To the pilot: Can you work a little on more steady landings? I have had more scary landings that I care to remember. By the way, keep the co-pilot on a short leash and don't be afraid to casually unplug his end of the P.A. system. Remember, you are the captain. He has half the wings you do.

Memo: To the flight attendants: Could you please handle those food and beverage carts with a little more agility? Maybe I just have broad shoulders or big feet but I have been blindsided a few times by those carts which by the way are heavy and have more than their fair share of sharp edges. Also, I have seen you make eye contact with each other when you trap me between your food and beverage carts when I get up to use the bathroom. I have a hunch that you keep score of how many innocent passengers you can do this to during a flight. Not that I can blame you. I probably would do it to if I were flying the New York to Tokyo on a regular basis. Hey one last plea and I realize I am picking on the flight attendants here but can you cut me some slack on the tray table and seat-back being up during takeoff and landing? I don't think anyone is going to lose a limb if I happen to have that tray table down as we are achieving lift off.

Memo: To airline bean counters: How is the business model of making people pay for airline food working out for you? There are already enough jokes about airline food and how terrible it is, I find it amusing that you are creating an even bigger joke by trying to sell airline food. Seriously. Who approved this idea?

Memo: To the T.S.A.: Since when is a "random" security test on a cute little grandma making us any safer?

Memo: To the guy sitting behind me: It is my constitutional right to recline so don't act exasperated when I do it the moment we have achieved lift off. You are probably going to do the same thing to the guy behind you.

Memo: To the lady on my right, I did enjoy making small talk with you for the first five minutes of the flight, but since I started reading my book now and have plugged into my Ipod this is a not-so-subtle signal that it has been nice talking but I am going to try and pass the time on this flight in a different way now.

Memo: To the man on my left (yes, you guessed it, I am in stuck in the middle seat): I have claimed this armrest. You have the one next to the window all to yourself. Unspoken airplane etiquette favors me here since I happen to be sitting in the middle seat. If you try to casually put your arm there again, we may have to call the flight marshal.

Let's face it, flying is a necessary evil to get us from point A to point B. Whether you travel once a week or once a year, following these simple suggestions will make flying a little friendlier for all of us.

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