by Eby Lane

Created on: March 07, 2009

We've heard it all before, usually by a guy trying his best to impress. "Nice guys like me are always last, girls go for the bad boys every time." or "I've never heard of a nice guy finishing first before." The latter is probably true, though there are plenty of nice guys out there married and happy to beautiful and smart women. Why? Because real nice guys are swept up and held on to the minute they are discovered. What about the nice guy talking to you? He sounds like the real deal, he treats women like princesses, will do anything for his female friends. This is the guy to rely on, has the sixth sense to anticipate your needs and will worship the ground you walk on. So why does that girl not fall in love with him and would rather invest her time and her heart on a man who does not treat her the way that he does?

The woman is not ungrateful to the nice guy's advances, but he is expecting too much. That is where the difference between a real nice guy and one that just tries real hard to be one-a real nice guy would not expect anything in return for his favors, while the other nice guy comes with conditions. His love is quantified whereas the other reacts without thinking. A friendship is founded on the expectation of becoming more instead of valuing what is already there. If the woman returns gratitude or helps her male friend, it is overlooked if it comes in a platonic and not a romantic way. Countless stories from jilted nice guys read this way. Guy befriends girl. Guy does everything for girl. Tells girl he loves her. Girl falls in love with someone else who doesn't do any of the things guy does. Girl loves guy as a friend. Guy ends friendship. Guy becomes depressed about finishing last. What the guy doesn't realize is that he didn't finish last, he wasn't in the race to begin with.

It is not impossible for a nice guy to finish first. Be themselves, let your interest in more than friendship known before getting involved. Let the woman know beforehand that you are doing this not because you are a friend, but out of genuine love. If she cannot reciprocate, do not feel that she is ungrateful to you. She isn't. However, keep in mind that all of the kindness in the world cannot sway the human heart to beat in your direction. Be grateful for your friendship, accept that platonic love is all you may get. Be reassured that you will have a female friend to rely on during hard times and who will give you advice on your love life in the future. Conserve your resources and energy on that perfect nice girl, who will appreciate that love and attention. She's out there.

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