by Beth Anderle

Created on: March 07, 2009   Last Updated: January 22, 2010

It is very important that children continue to visit a grandparent with Alzheimer's disease, especially if there is a strong bond between them. To love and to feel loved is necessary at every stage of life, and a visit between two people who love each other can have wonderful and therapeutic benefits for grandchild and grandparent - and for other family members as well.

There are many different excuses people use to avoid bringing their children to visit grandparents with Alzheimer's: "I want the children to remember Grandpa as he was." "I don't want them to be frightened." "Grandma's very unpredictable and I don't know if she would enjoy the visit." Really, however, these excuses are just a cover for a simple human emotion: fear.

Too often we fear what we don't understand. We become very uncomfortable when 95-year-old Grandpa asks, "Where is my mother?" or when we realize that Grandma thinks she's at work instead of in the nursing home. It makes us sad, confused, and creates anger at a disease we cannot really understand or fight. Most of us cope with overwhelming feelings by trying to avoid the situation. As a result, many people tend to stay away. And we have many, many lonely and confused people in nursing homes waiting for a visit that never comes.

While it can be difficult to see someone you love falling into the pit of Alzheimer's (and the later stages of the disease are especially difficult), it is important that kids learn early how to deal with the realities of dementia. Children need to understand this is a normal, although awful, thing that can happen in life. They need to be brought fairly frequently so that they begin to accept the changes as just an unfortunate part of life. Prepare them before by saying something like, "Grandma is very sick, and she may not always know who you are, and sometimes she won't make a lot of sense, but she is still Grandma deep down and she needs to know we still love her." Explain to them, in age-appropriate terms, that Alzheimer's is an incurable disease. You should reassure them that this does not happen to everyone, but that it does happen to some adults as they grow older. Then remind them that it is important to stick by the people you love even when they are very ill. Being open and honest with children will help them to cope with the disease and the changes it brings now, as well as preparing then to cope with these types of things when they are adults.

A lot of how children will react depends on how their

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