by Emma K. Jones

Created on: March 07, 2009

"Don't get all caught up in the number of days you have sober and get cocky about it." That is what my daughter's group leader told her after an AA meeting. When my daughter got in the car, she shared her conversation with me. "The rest of your family may not be in the bragging mood," he had told her. I am sure that she did not get the magnitude of that bit of information but it hit me right in the middle of all the pain that I have had in the past year.

I tiptoed around the point as usual. I didn't want her to feel like her hard work was not worthy of a few bragging rights. My mind pondered the wisdom of this man's advice. Those left in the aftermath of addiction may not be so eager to forgive and forget.

How many times have I heard the promises, the excuses and the apologies? How many times have I believed the lies and hoped for change? What makes sobriety this time any different? The encouragement and attention I have given her in the years past now has waned and today's hope for her recovery is clouded by fear. My arms are not as opened as before in order to protect my heart.

Although parental love may be thought of as naturally patient, kind and accepting, human limits take control and we cave under pressure. Old hurts and selfish feelings take over and there is no more giving. No matter how honorable the next promise is.

I think about God's love for us. He doesn't hold on to our past and let it influence his perfect acceptance. We don't need to feel bad that we have failed again. God will not throw our mistakes back to us as a reminder of our failures. We need only to ask for his forgiveness and be remorseful for our transgressions. Because of his boundless love, God's patience doesn't wane and he is our constant source of encouragement any time we need him. In our moments of weakness he cares and will guide us step by step, day after day. God will be there to celebrate all of our milestones no matter how great or how small. We can share our fears and find peace, feel weak and find strength. Our broken spirits can be made whole and our hope renewed.

I cannot be the perfect parent for my daughter but I can ask for his guidance to be a better parent. I can follow his ways and know that God dearly loves me. I am able to draw on his love, which helps me display compassion, kindness and patience even when I don't feel like it. Colossians 3:12, " Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (NIV)

I turn to my daughter, and smile boldly. She is beautiful, in my eyes and in the eyes of my God. It's a day to celebrate.

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