by Forest Grene

Created on: March 07, 2009

I am driving very slowly behind a line of cars.I am driving so very slowly because the person directly in front of me in a navy blue oldsmobile (and I mean old...old and slow...) is concentrating very hard. On driving the exact speed limit. Yeah.It is actually dangerous. How can someone drive the exact speed limit. They must have their eyes on the odometer the entire time and not actually be looking at the road, because if someone is looking at the road instead of the odometer, they could not possibly be exact. i know because as I am driving so very lsowly, my eyes are glued increduously to my odometer as I am cursing the person in front of me. As soon as I move my eyes, I speed up. I put my eyes back to 50 kms on the odometer, I slow down. See?

Due to the fact that we are going so slowly and I cannot seem to pass, I get a chance to look at the world as I drive by. I see a sign on a fence that states, "Free." So I am thinking, the fence is free? Good deal. Then I see the items under the fence...the junk that no one wants, but make no mistake...by the time I pass this fence on the way back home, the items will be gone...maybe the fence will be gone too. Then, to my left I see a fellow sitting on a chair, burning a mattress in his yard! He looks quite content, as if he is pulling some sort of stunt, which he is because it is illegal to burn that kind of stuff. i figured I could make a call to the city and really make his day...which I do.

Finally, I pass the oldsmobile. I have to look over to see who it could possibly be. My neighbour. Interestingly, later when I mention to my husband not to get behind the car of Carol the neighbour, he says, "I know!" Okay, that's funny. Back to the story: so on my way back past burning mattress, I now have the pleasure of seeing the city fire chief giving him a stern talking to. Then, I realize it is the same fellow who lectured my husband one week ago for burning old framing lumber at midnight. But of course I can justify this. It was only a small explosion and a tiny bit of gasoline.And it was midnight because we did not want to disturb anyone.Except our neighbour across the street heard the explosion and phoned my neighbour Carol and screamed that our new house was on fire! Which it wasn't. But by then she had called the fire department. In fact, Carol knew our house was not on fire because she had been driving by (slowly) at the stroke of midnight and had thought to herself, "Oh...there is Richard gassing up his burnpile. That was quite an explosion," and she drove into her driveway.

Learn more about this author, Forest Grene.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.