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Humor: Job interviews

I am the Director. I rely upon others below me to know what they are doing.

[Telephone rings.]

D: Hello?

Admin Assistant: Dave, you have a call on Line 1.

D: Didn't I tell you I had an appointment? Take a message, and I'll call them back.

AA: OK, Dave. Will do. Bye.

D: Bye.

HM: So, John, where did you work last?

John: XYZ Co.

HM: What was your typical day like there?

John: Well, my routine would vary from day to day, but I would update schedules, find out everyone's status, hold regular status meetings with the team and with the business, and I would work with the team on issues and risks as they occurred.

HM: Did you ever have to perform the Heimlich Maneuver on anyone?

John: No, I can't say I ever did.

HM: Did you ever have to apply a tourniquet to anyone?

John: No, I have never had to give first aid to anyone.

HM: So, what would you do if a 10 ton weight dropped on top of someone?

John: Um, give them a little umbrella to cushion the fall?

HM: Are you trying to be funny?

John: Actually, yes. Aren't you?

HM: So, what would you do if someone on the factory floor got hurt?

John: How would I even know? I'm a computer geek, and I am in my cube or office.

HM: Someone could be seriously hurt! Are you making light of the situation?

John: In my over 13 years of IT experience, I've never had to give anyone CPR or lift 10 ton weights off of them.

HM: But it could happen!

John: But, it isn't likely!

[Telephone rings.]

D: Hello?

AA: Dave, you have a call on Line 1.

D: I'm busy! Didn't I tell you that already?

AA: Oh, right. I forgot.

D: Bye!

AM: Let's try a different angle here. Do you have children?

John: Yes, but I don't see

AM: Good! Now, let's suppose your daughter came home and said she wanted to become a prostitute. How would you feel?

John: What kind of a question is that?

[Knock on the door.]

D: Yes?

[Door opens.]

J: Yes, janitorial service here. I've come to check your trash.

D: In the middle of the day? Look, we're having a meeting here.

J: It'll take but a minute.

D: Oh, very well, take

[Telephone rings.]

D: Yes, what is it?

AA: Dave, you have a call on Line 2.

D: Bernice! Didn't I tell you I was in a meeting?

AA: Yes, that's how I knew where to reach you.

D: Didn't I tell you I cannot take calls in the meeting?

AA: Oh, right. I forgot.

D: Bye!

J: Right, that'll do for now.

D: Bye!

AM: You see, all I'm saying is

[Telephone rings.]

D: Yes?

HR: Dave, the next interview has arrived.

D: Already? We haven't finished this one yet! Oh, OK, put her in the lobby for now.

HR: OK, will do.

D: Bye.

AM: I mean, that could worry you.

HM: Yes, she could get hurt and need CPR!

[Knock on the door.]

D: Yes?

M: Maintenance here. I'm supposed to check out a defective light.

D: We are in a meeting!

M: Oh, and the janitor is with me so he can clean up after I'm done.

D: We had this room booked!

HM: What would you do?

AM: It could put stress on your life!

[Knock on the door.]

D: Yes?

[Door opens, and a dog runs in.]

D: Oh, I'm glod to see that you made it! Cain, I'd like you to meet John! John, this is Cain Nine.

John: Auuurrrrggghhhhh! You are all insane! I'm outta here!

[John runs out the door in a panic.]

D: Well, count him out. Just can't deal with the pressure, I guess.

[Telephone rings.]

Learn more about this author, John D Carmack.
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