by Veronica Bergschneider

Created on: March 06, 2009

Becoming friends with a member of the opposite sex can be quite rewarding for both parties. Engaging in such a friendship enlightens each member about how the opposite sex thinks and acts. This enlightenment helps the receiver understand the opposite sex much better in the long run, which can assist that person in deepening his or her primary relationship.

It is wise, however, to begin a friendship with someone of the opposite sex by setting boundaries which neither friend should ever cross. For example, define behaviors, such as what would constitute an uncomfortable flirting action, that each person sees as wrong, and stick by them. Many people will set these limits on what constitutes one friend "hitting on" the other and remind each other frequently that such actions can lead to the termination of the friendship. Wisdom also dictates setting a definition for each other of what will be tolerated in joking versus actions and words not to do or say at all.

Someone in a serious relationship who wishes to be friends with a member of the opposite sex would do well to discuss the ramifications of such friendship with his or her primary partner. Many couples set limits on what each person can talk about with friends of the opposite sex to avoid betrayal. Generally, this rule, which also applies in the other direction, means that whether talking about the primary relationship or the opposite-sex friendship, anything said between the people in conversation which would embarrass or otherwise hurt one of the parties should be kept confidential. Other than that, openness with the partner to the primary relationship about activities and conversations involving the friend of the opposite sex is key to creating an environment in which both relationships can not only survive, but thrive.

Another general rule of thumb in such friendships ought to be that they be formed with people one has not previously dated. Many times, someone remaining friends with an ex-lover causes the current romantic partner much pain and hurt. Especially in cases where the man has let an ex-girlfriend stick around for too long as a "friend," there exists too much potential for jealousy between the women. The ex-lover frequently feels slighted that he or she can not have as much time around the one with whom he or she is trying to be friends, and may act out of this jealousy toward the person's new lover, even trying to break up the couple. Such actions lead to the current lover becoming jealous of anything his or her partner does with the former lover, and quite often, the one in the middle hides his or her interactions with the ex-lover from the current romantic partner, thus endangering the relationship when openness and honesty could possibly heal and strengthen it.

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