by Tamatha Hetrick

Created on: March 05, 2009

I work in a nursing and rehab center, which gives me a front seat to aging, growing old, and dying. It doesn't matter what day it is or which floor I am working on, growing old is always looking back at me. I see the contorted legs, the wrinkles, the mangled fingers, the incurable diseases. Most times, growing old is harder on the families of the elderly. The one thing that growing old never seems to take away is the twinkle from a person's eyes. The twinkle that says, "I am still in here".

Sometimes, dementia or Alzheimer's is said to rob a person of their lifelong memories. But I believe that somewhere inside, deep down in the depths of the soul remains the memories, the twinkle. An elderly person can wander the halls all week with no place to go and nothing to do, with a blank stare. But one word, one smile, one touch can activate that memory and take them back to happier time. It may not be the memory of a birth or a wedding. It may not be the memories that are cataloged in all the photo albums. But it's a twinkle of the years lost to aging, to growing old. They may blurt out "That cake was blue!" and no one in the family has a clue to what they are speaking of. Later, when age has won the war against life someone will remember..."Grandma had a blue birthday cake for her 40th birthday party". That elderly person was reliving that memory. She was back at that party and loving that blue cake. She may not be able to look at you and remember you are her granddaughter, but she can give you glimpses into her soul by the blurted out oddities she says.

Each morning, as I get ready for work, I stare into the mirror, pluck out the new greys and wonder...will I be struck down with heart disease like my dad? Will I have a fatal brain aneurysm like my grandmother? Will cancer take me? What fate will growing old throw at me? Like everyone else, I will face aging and fight to remain young. In my mind living, making memories and never dwelling on the inevitable will keep a twinkle in my eye. My final hope is that my loved ones realize that if I can no longer remember them or have a conversation with them, that they know, I am still there, deep inside myself cooking them a meal, dancing with my grandson, hugging them and living in my memories. I want them to recognize and see my twinkle. J.R.R. Tolkien said it best..."Not all who wander, are lost".

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