by Keven Card

Created on: March 05, 2009

Let's all face the truth head on; we are going to have disagreements with our spouses. Most of us are even going to have some flat out explosive verbal fights (if you are having physical fights, seek counseling immediately because that crosses a marital line that should not be crossed, period), and we need to embrace those disagreements because it's within our disagreements that we find our harmony. I know it sounds like an oxymoron, but what we've found is that when we're having a disagreement and even very loud disagreements; that is when we are willing to share things that are troubling us that we would otherwise keep to ourselves.

Have you ever had an argument that started out as just a simple disagreement over something, that, when you look back on it almost seemed stupid? And during that argument, were things said that had absolutely nothing to do with the original reason for the argument? My guess would be that we've all seen those days and most likely had plenty of them. The good news is, that it's okay to have arguments like that because it allows us to release those things that are deep down bothering us; and it gives us the opportunity to vent them out. The second advantage to arguing is that it gives us an idea of what our spouse's deepest feelings are; the one's that they are trying to protect you from in a vain effort to avoid upsetting you (I'm personally very guilty of this). This gives each of you the opportunity to adjust to the list of "what my spouse needs to be happy" and get rid of those hurt feelings. Of course, making up is always fun too.
In our house we have some rules when we argue and we want to share them with you and tell you why we have them. Rule #1: No one is allowed to go to sleep until the argument is done and we have restored the peace in the house.

Early on in our marriage when we argued we would just keep going and going and neither one of us would budge from our position. I remember times when we would argue so long that we would literally be dozing off for a few minutes and then wake up a couple minutes later and we kept on arguing, sometimes till daybreak the next day. You are probably thinking that we're crazy but allow me to explain the reason why, and the advantage of this rule.

Ephesians 4:26 (NIV) .. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.

You see when you allow "the sun to go down on your anger" or go to sleep angry what happens is that you wake the next morning with the same anger that you went to sleep with;

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