by Jessica Shayne

Created on: March 05, 2009

A Kiss is Just a Kiss

Sweet. Tender. Unfamiliar sensations rushing throughout your body as he leans in towards you. Your heart pounding as you secretly wipe your sweaty palms along your thighs. Your lips quivering with anticipation. Your legs so weak you fear you might just collapse into his arms. "Kiss me already", a voice in your head screams and you worry for a moment that he heard it. He looks at you, his face so close you can feel his warm breath on your cheek. Somewhat bashful you look away, hoping he has not been discouraged. With a gentle but firm hand he turns your face towards his and softly, slowly, he presses his lips to yours. It lasts but a second and you are left bewildered, excited and wanting more.

My first kiss was nothing like that.

At thirteen years old, against my wishes, I was forced to spend the summer with my grandparents who lived in a small ghost town in the middle of nowhere. I was miserable for the first few weeks so out of desperation my grandmother introduced me to her neighbors grandchildren. There were three girls and two boys, all in their teens and considered back then, to be 'wild'. My new friends and I spent the following weeks swimming, playing baseball and smoking cigarettes stolen from our grandparents.

I developed a crush on one of the boys, Edward, who unfortunately paid me little attention. I flirted, I laughed at his jokes, I did all the things I thought I was supposed to do yet he remained uninterested. Broken hearted I leaned a little too hard on Edward's buddy Adam who mistook my need for attention as flirting. He spent the rest of the summer by my side trying to convince me to date him. I turned him down repeatedly but he was relentless.

As summer was ending the large group of friends that I had became part of threw me a going away party. It took place in a field so far away from anywhere that if I had wanted to, I would have been unable to find my way home. There were all kinds of people there(some I didn't even know), loud music and naturally, there was plenty of beer. I was having the time of my life, that is, until nature called.

Adam cornered me as I was returning to the party and began sobbing about how much he was going to miss me. Acutely aware of his excessive intake of alcohol I tried to push by him. He was stronger than I was and refused to let me pass. I pleaded as he cried. Then he apologized while I cried. Finally tuning into my unresponsive demeanor he, in a final effort to sweep me off my feet, smothered me with a hard, sloppy, uncoordinated kiss that reeked of beer and cigarettes. I stifled a gag and attempted again to pass by him. This time he let me go and I returned to my friends as though nothing had happened. I watched him stumble across the field into the darkness and never saw him again.

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