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Have you ever been disappointed? Of course you have, who hasn't? Most often, disappointment comes at the hands of those that we care most about. If we don't care about someone, they lack the power over our hearts that it takes to disappoint us. We don't have expectations of them, we don't place a great value on their opinions and actions, we don't count on them to be there for us when we need them to be. It is those that we love who are in the most apt position to be disappointing and for that reason, it is important that we master the art of sharing that disappointment without hurting the other person or severing the relationship with harsh words and accusations.

I have recently had the opportunity to learn some "to dos" and some "not to dos" in the art of sharing disappointment with others, the other in this case being my husband. We met online and married fairly quickly. Because I had been brutally honest on my online profile with the dating site we were both using, I assumed that everyone else would be, as well. Bad assumption! Come to find out, most people on these sites put their best foot forward and may even exaggerate a bit. The sad fact was that after a couple of years of marriage, I was sorely disappointed with my relationship and anger began to build in me, as I first argued, then cried, then withdrew from him as much as possible. Of course, none of those responses accomplished anything at all. After a time of living together, but primarily seperate in heart, I realized I couldn't do that for the rest of my life, even though I thought I would be able to when I started it.

There had to be a better way to share my hurts than simply putting up walls between us to avoid the possibility of being hurt more in the future. I had some thinking to do. As I replayed my efforts in my mind, I realized that for some reason my husband wasn't even hearing what I was trying so hard to tell him. I also realized that as I pulled away from him, he pulled away right back and now, here we were, far apart and looking at a huge distance to bridge. The distance had been created by me, primarily. That was a hard pill to swallow.

The first thing I had done wrong was that I had spent my time accusing him of everything under the sun. Whether I was justified in that or not, the problem is that it never works. He quit listening every time I began accusing. Rather than throwing every sin into the face of your disappointer, tell them your feelings. This is entirely different in tone

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