by Storm Sage

Created on: March 04, 2009   Last Updated: March 14, 2009

So many days in a lifetime, but none will ever compare to my wedding day. I was scared and confused when it came to committment; my wedding day changed me forever.

It may have been witnessing the dysfunctional marriage between my parents evolve and become more resentful each and every year they spent together or perhaps my star sign Sagittarius - non committing, free spirited.

I can not really say why the idea of marriage, of forever, sent shivers down my spine, instantly making me feel claustrophobic and needing to flee. The thought of being the centre of attention for a whole day was frightening, spending loads of money on one day I felt was just to selfish and unjustifiable. Excuses?

We had met over eight years ago and over those years our relationship had been one long rollercoaster ride with too many ups and downs to count. Together we had already welcomed two little angels into the world and still had similar goals in life. But we still had not walked down the aisle.

Marriage was something that we never really discussed seriously, I at times cast the odd comment his way joking about how he 'I will be dead before I have a ring on my finger' or 'that we will have to get married sitting on the lounge during the commercial breaks due to his love of television and the lounge'.

As our relationship and understanding of one another grew I guess that leap of faith and that little piece of paper witnessed by God was only inevitable, wasn't it? We already had children and had lived together for years; we do love each other even if we both think the other is as stubborn as a mule.

Every step in the preparation process choosing a dress, flowers, cake, seating arrangements; felt as though I was acting out a role that I was expected to play by friends, family and society in general.

As I walked through the flower covered gardens, the variety of perfumes mixing with my anxiousness. so many thoughts raced through my mind as I heard the corny church music began to play their modern attempt at 'here comes the bride'. Every time I blinked I saw vague images of Julia Roberts wearing her wedding dress and sneakers in 'Runaway Bride', my heart was pounding so hard that I was certain it were going to combust.

Then suddenly there it was, the red carpet, the guests on seated on each side. At once all turning and focusing solely on me, my heart was about to stop beating all together from the adrenaline racing through my body. The urge to just turn and run was almost overwhelming; I remember thinking 'I could never do such a thing'.

That was when our eyes met, as if it were strangers meeting for the first time, both experiencing the feeling of butterflies in our stomachs. My heart continued to beat hard but no longer because of anxiety or fear but because I had not seen him look at me so intensely with such love and wanting in a long while. After what seemed to be the longest moment in time he smiled, that reassuring smile I was already so familiar with.

When I saw his smile, all of my doubt, my apprehensions and need to escape, vanished. The only thing I remember wanting right then in that moment was to walk down that red carpet and into the arms of my man, my soul mate.

It was then I realised that standing side by side with the man I love was the only place in the world I wanted to be...forever.

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