by Joshua Brandenstein

Created on: March 04, 2009

A confined space is just a breeding ground for treacherous things to occur. Anything ranging from embarrassment to tragedy could easily take place. There are some things one should consider not doing in an elevator. Many of these require ridiculous and extreme measures to accomplish. A review of these actions and their consequences will shed light to the dangers of elevator travel and serve as an example to those who intend to perform them.

An animal of any kind is just a foolish idea. It doesn't matter that you have a crate to contain your komodo, if that thing starts hissing, I'm going to stop at the next floor, and throw him out the nearest window, regardless whether it opens or not. If you brought an animal into any elevator-equipped building, you have serious issues in perspicacity. Animals belong outside, you cannot predict what they will do next, nor am I certain as to whether or not you remembered to lock the crate you brought that thing in. Now, if an animal I have no qualms releasing into the confines of the elevator, or if is my animal that I have brought into the elevator (as I can fall into the category I previously mentioned for humor's sake) is indeed released, there is nothing wrong with it. So lets say an animal is released, and use two individual examples of a ground animal and a flying animal, just to keep things interesting. How about, a ferret to be our ground animal, as we are all aware of the madness contained in those crazy animals (not to mention the fact that they like to bite.) This devilish dervish tears about the elevator like it's head has been cut off and it has a BCC (Blood Caffeine Content) of .99. As he bites and scurries his psychotic-self around the elevator, people yell and worry themselves. One brave woman stops the elevator and runs out, naturally the ferret is in hot pursuit of his new friend. The bird that has been released flaps around, squawking, pooping, and pecking the buffet of attention enclosed in this box. The owner has only so long to catch it before the door to the elevator opens, spelling freedom for Captain Chirps-a-lot. This is, by far, is not the worst thing to do in an elevator.

The next most fun...I mean, thing you should never do in an elevator, is role play. This could cause awkwardness, embarrassment, and in extreme cases, confrontation. If you walk into the elevator with a scowl on your face and speech of a scalawag, you are sure to receive a different response than if you were to with the look of every

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