by T.C Leonard

Created on: March 03, 2009   Last Updated: March 06, 2009

"The Lengthy Confession"

"Welcome, all, to Heaven's Gate
I'm the keeper here, Saint Peter
For those who never went to church-
I'm like Heaven's Wal-Mart greeter

If your name begins with A through L
Form a line there on the right
Each one of you will have your turn
And soon you'll know your plight"

The two men just in front of me
Were light of heart and full of hop
The first, an elder in his church

While the latter was the Pope

Both were welcomed with a handshake
Then my turn came 'round at last
I reached out my hand and headed in-
But Saint Pete said, "Not so fast!

We've been waiting for you many years,
And where should I begin...
Pass me a calculator, sir,
While I add up this man's sins

You've drank like a fish all your life
And even fished while you were drunk
You're a lazy, greedy glutton
And an all 'round shiftless skunk

I started to defend myself-
"Well, I sang once in the choir..."
But Saint Peter checked his records,
And he knew I was a liar

He had stills and tapes and videos
Of most everything I've done
The good folks have a pound of sin
But me...I had a ton!

"You'll have to now renounce your sins,"
He said, and then he winced
"Give me reason, then, to let you in
And I still might be convinced"

I thought an hour, maybe two
And my argument arranged
Then I gave a lengthy speech
On how much I had changed

"You're half-way home, but tell me more,"
Said an unconvinced Saint Peter
So I started my defense anew
And put four more quarters in the meter.

Learn more about this author, T.C Leonard.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.