by Marie Bywater

Created on: March 03, 2009

Being insulted in public in front of your friends, work colleagues and even foes is very embarrassing and tends to leave your face flushed red with anger, your blood boiling and your fist ready to plant nicely on the person's nose. The best revenge is to come back at the harasser with an equally witty response immediately without any thought or hesitation rather than giving them a broken nose. I can remember getting insulted as young as 5 years old and taking myself off to cry in the corner of the classroom. Jokes and insults continued throughout my teenage years but then I learned to throw a few insults back and turn the situation around in my favour leaving the insulter spitting blood.

It can be quite hard thinking on the spot of something sharp and sarcastic to say but sometimes actions speak louder than words. The best way to belittle someone after they have made a smart remark is to look them up and down slowly before launching your comeback phrase. Sometimes I don't even bother with a phrase, I just laugh at them loudly or else yawn, and look away pretending I have not heard what they said. Then I ask them to repeat it and normally they don't bother as the element of surprise and humour has gone.

Some comeback phrases for specific insults

If someone calls you ugly, say when was the last time you looked in the mirror.

If someone calls you fat, say I may be fat but you are ugly and I can diet.

If someone tells you are working too slow, simply say quality takes time

If you are getting serious abuse from someone at work you could say why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

The best way to deal with someone who is constantly bossing you around is to say what did your last slave die off'. This is fairly light hearted and will let the person know you are sick of them ordering you around.

Just last week a guy in work give me abuse about my hair cut, so I simply turned and said where did you get yours, the pet shop?' That soon shut him up.

If you cannot think of a specific response, you could just say stop talking, you have dog breath and the smell is making me ill'

The comeback to an insult should be short, witty and extremely sarcastic. If someone frequently insults you then a few sarcastic responses from you will soon warn them off future insults. No one likes to be made a fool off but you are totally within your rights to stand up for yourself.

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