by Terry Marsh

Created on: March 03, 2009

Do men listen when women complain, or do women complain because men don't listen? Effective communication is a two way street, with both individuals actively participating in the process. One of the biggest issues voiced by women is that men never listen. On the other hand, men feel that women complain too much. Somewhere in between, a happy medium must emerge before a healthy relationship can exist.

No woman wants to be considered a nag, but what's a poor girl to do? Men can easily get lost in their own world, and seem to fade a woman out when she's expressing something that's important to her at the time. Though a guy hears when his woman is talking, he has registered none of what she has said. Women do not like being ignored, so she raises her voice in order to better get his attention. He interprets this as complaining, while she is simply just trying to get her point across.

Men become absorbed in their thoughts or preoccupied by whatever has grabbed their attention for the moment. Unlike women, who seem able to multi-task without losing efficiency, men are more singularly focused, directing their mental energies to one thing at a time. Where women see the entire picture, men see only the details.

In a perfect world, these two contrasts complement each other. But, when boundaries are breached it can cause catastrophe. Men can often become focused on something other than what is important to a woman. When this happens, a man may hear, but not tune into what a woman might be expressing. This creates a boundary that hasn't been negotiated, and a wider gap in relationship communication. These gaps are eliminated by meeting at a threshold, and then coming to an agreement.

Communication boundaries are established in every relationship. No two individuals co-exist in perfect harmony forever. Unfortunately, couples don't always respect each other's threshold. Understanding relationship boundaries is the first step to reaching a communication compromise. Finding ways to communicate across those boundaries leads to greater harmony in relationships, and helps bridge the gap between men listening, and women voicing their concerns without complaining.

For women to stop complaining, guys must be willing to listen. Listening is not always the easiest thing for a man, especially when the topic is of little interest to him. Of course, most men don't think that women listen to them either, which is another problem in itself. But when both individuals take the time to understand and respect the boundaries of the other, both ultimately get what they want out of the relationship.

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