by Scott Kolecki

Created on: March 03, 2009

If you are a balding forty-something with a potbelly who thinks he resembles a mature Brad Pitt, you've taken the first step to convincing yourself that the family minivan drives with a Chevy Corvette. While it is possible to stretch one's imagination to aide in escaping the reality of life, the prospect of finding the exhileration, performance and handling of a Corvette behind the wheel of your seven passenger minivan is more like grabbing hold of your imagination and tearing with all your might. Still, as the article's intention is to provide a means of convincing someone that their box on wheels is really a luxury sports car, we will give it the old college try.

Before you even climb behind the wheel of your minivan, make sure that it is washed, waxed and detailed to a sheen that would be blinding to people if the sun were to catch it just right. Vacuum out all of the kids cereal, remove all the partially eaten suckers from the carpet, scrub out all the melted crayon stains on the upholstry and really get that baby looking like something spectacular-or at least, something less disgusting than the cespool of bacteria that most second and third row seats in any minivan become.

Once the van is as clean as humanly possible, find yourself the best set of aviator sunglasses you can scrounge up. Chances are, if you are at the point in your life where you are required to be driving a minivan, you are at least in your early thirties, meaning you are old enough to remember the adreniline pumping movie "Top Gun" from the 1980s. Yeah, you know the look I am talking about-Tom Cruise, dressed in that awesome leather jacket, those tight blue jeans and that impossibly bright white t-shirt, all while sporting the perfect pair of aviator spectacles that made for a generation of wannabe "Naval Aviators" (I was one of them) who dreamed of cruising at mach one into an impossibly perfect sunset. Recapturing that look, in so far as you are able, will add to the illusions of sex appeal that is synonymous with any Corvette.

Now that the van is clean and you are able to pass for a washed up fighter pilot (or at least a wannabe washed up fighter pilot), you can climb up into the cockpit of your van. Note that while most Corvette's sit mere inches from the asphalt, minivans are somewhat higher off the ground. To compensate for this difference, recline the driver's seat as far as humanly possible before you completely lose sight of the front windshield. This reclining action will give

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