by C. Robert Brown

Created on: March 03, 2009   Last Updated: March 05, 2009

Like many, I find myself staring at the coming end of the first quarter of 2009. Economic anxiety abounds as all speculate whether or not stimulus attempts will be successful in shoring up the financial markets against the rising tide of the coming recession.

The past several months have been very frustrating for me and my family and this has led me, like many, to reflect upon what money really means in my life. Money is a necessary element within everyone's life, the only thing that differs is how money is defined. Exchange of goods and services have existed for centuries, so whether it's beads or greenbacks money still remains to be an important part of life. Philosophically and spiritually speaking money isn't the most important thing in life, to me it's my family.

As the speculation of recession swirled my outlook upon exactly what money means in my life changed drastically. I find myself exhausted by the thought of what the month will bring. Not directly in the context of what money means in my life, but how not having enough money is impacting my life. Never before in my lifetime have I had to experience the anxieties associated with money, especially money spent long before I had earned it. Embarassment and humiliation often shape my moods, as I try to shelter my family from what I know our financial standing is.

I find myself trying to work as many hours as I can at two separate jobs just to make ends meet now. We have spiraled into debt with no help in the immediate future. As optimistic as I try to be, I am exhausted at the end of the day and find myself going to bed earlier than I ever had before to awaken with my first thoughts focusing upon how to get more money, will I have enough money and can I get my family through this week with enough money?

So, in the end when I look at what money means to me it becomes not as much of a financial tool as it is a necessity to freedom. The freedom to have the time back with my children that I now no longer have. The freedom to be happy without the demons of financial woes creeping into the back of my mind when I'm with my kids and the freedom to take back those things that made my heart sing. As much as I don't want to admit it, money and issues surrounding money have taken away important parts of my life never to be won back at any cost. Money is one of the most important things in my life right now, I hope someday my kids understand.

Learn more about this author, C. Robert Brown.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.