by Emily Falshaw

Created on: March 02, 2009

Since July 4, 1776 the United States has insisted on doing things its own way. It invented a meal: brunch. It's not breakfast, it's not lunch, but it's pretty darn fantastic. And it invented a few sports. Only in the land of the free could a game called "football" not involve feet or a ball in the traditional, round sense. Only in the home of the brave could a game be played that is strikingly similar to cricket and yet is infinitely more boring. And only in the USA, could the most popular game on earth be largely ignored because it is considered dull.

Soccer, or football to the rest of the world, isn't big Stateside for several reasons. But they all revolve around the misconception that soccer is dull. First of all, it isn't rough enough for a bloodthirsty, red meat loving American audience. At least it isn't on the surface. In a nation where three of the most popular sports include American football, hockey and NASCAR, plus all the padding that comes with them, soccer must seem a bit tame, insipid, dare I say boring. However, were soccer given a proper chance, Americans would be subject to various covert, yet no less vicious leg-stompings, head-stompings, head-buttings et cetera. And, unfortunately, the fans can be violent enough to make up for any lack of on-pitch savagery. However, most respectable soccer fans would be happy to see hooliganism retired to the realms of urban myth and popular culture.

Secondly, thanks to remote controls, drive-throughs and MTV, most Americans lack the attention span necessary to enjoy a game of soccer. Soccer is played and televised for 45 minutes at a time. There are no time-outs allowed for coaches to strategize, there are no breaks for commercials, in fact the only stoppage is a modest 15 minutes at halftime. Every sport that is popular in the US has some kind of built-in break system, whether it's between innings in baseball, between plays in the NFL or a TV time-out scheduled into a hockey game. Americans just aren't used to sitting for so long without an opportunity presenting itself to grab another cold one or to flip aimlessly between channels. The predictable result is restlessness.

Additionally, soccer has far too few scoring opportunities to win over audiences in the US. Final scores in triple digits are run of the mill in basketball. In the NFL, it's not uncommon for a team to score more than 30 points per game. Even the rules in hockey are changing to favour goal scorers. So it's quite easy to see how a final score of 1-0 after 90 minutes of soccer could be mistaken for a lack of action. Unfortunately, the final score doesn't reflect all the excitement of the near-misses or the roar of the crowd when the ball finally does find the back of the net.

On a similar note, an awful lot of soccer matches end in a tie. Ties are an unacceptable result for justice-loving US television viewers. For some reason, one team has to be better than the other; there MUST be a winner. Hockey has been cheapened recently by shootouts; extra innings have been a part of baseball for ages. A draw in soccer definitely wouldn't please audiences used to decisive results, especially not a 0-0 draw. If there has to be a winner, but one doesn't emerge after the game has finished, the result must be boring.

There are other reasons why soccer hasn't become popular in the United States. For example, there aren't any playoffs, alcohol isn't served at stadiums, and I've never heard of anyone having a tailgate party at a soccer game. David Beckham tried his best to bridge the gap, but even he got bored and went back to Europe. So, until America decides on its own terms that soccer is worth watching, it will remain little more than an after school activity.

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