A Confederacy of Dunces II
(A short Story for those short of mind)
On February 24, the year of our Lord, two thousand nine AD, the new King gave a speech in chamber to the Parliament that was broadcast throughout the land. It was eloquent in its delivery, rich in its detail, and able to combine both caution and hope in its message.
Although the Kings Speech was met with some jeers-for you see members of the Opposition Party (OP) were also present in chamber-it was mostly received with resounding cheers and deafening applause.
For it was a message for a people that had suffered far too long under a cruel eight years of the OP's dominance, mismanagement, and outright assault on the rule of law.
As is common in the Republic-whose name henceforth in this tale will be referred to as the Kingdom of Fairness, the Party in Power (PIP), had to send an advance copy of the Kings speech to the OP so that it could prepare a rebuttal.
And so it was done.
But whom would the OP put forth to refute this new popular King?
Not to be outmatched by the PIP the OP found a rival Prince of its own. He, like the new King was really, really, bright. Not bright in color but bright in the ways of learning, for he too had not so bright skin just like the new King.
And even though the Princes family did not hail from the infamous Continent of Darkness as the new King's had. He too had parents who had migrated from a land of people dark of skin and very, very poor of currency.
So it was that after the chamber had emptied and the new King had left its great Hall, the Kingdom of Fairness waited with baited breath for the Princes response.
In a naked room, void of humans, life or ideas the Dark Prince emerged from behind a large pole. Standing next to a flag that matched his neck attire he began to speak.
And hence to, therefore and forever more is where the similarities between The Dark Prince and the new King began to untwine.
For the Dark Prince did not pepper his speech with high- minded rhetoric, intelligent and thoughtful ideas, rich with nuance or sense of purpose.
Perhaps it is because the Dark Prince knew on some deeper level that his constituents, to whom he was really speaking, would not understand such lofty rhetoric containing long sentences, words with more than three syllables, or possessing too many consonants and vowels, making him a very, very, bright Prince indeed.
Instead the Dark Prince decided to deliver the message of his Opposition Party in the form of a fairytale. Where he ended each passage with the phrase "the Fairi (pronounced "fairy")People (as the people of Fairness were known) can do anything". And he repeated this over and over again; "Fairi's can do anything!" "Fairi's can do anything", "Fairi's can do anything thing", until you either started to believe it, or wanted to put your head on the block of a guillotine because of it.
"Please stop." One could be heard muttering under one's breath. But he did not.
To further make his point about how magnificent the OP was, the Dark Prince told a tale of a great storm that wiped out one of the major cities in his province.
It did not seem to matter to the Dark Prince that this story was seen by the entire world over as one of the greatest failures of the Kingdom of Fairness.
There were news reports, stories and songs dedicated solely to this disaster-a disaster that occurred at a time when the OP was the PIP. And its ineptitude, insensitivity, and overall incompetence was one of the many reason that it went from being the PIP to the OP quicker than a levy could break or a tide could rise.
The very next day the entire Kingdom of Fairness was buzzing about the new Kings speech and the Dark Princes response to it.
While not every one was in agreement with what the new King had to say, there was a consensus throughout that land that what the Dark Prince said in response was almost incomprehensible for anyone over three years in age.
Even the members of the OP with an above eighth grade education or way of thinking (for whom there appeared to be few) were left scratching their heads.
Still there were those of simple mind who were able to hear the Dark Princes simple message as a brave new call to take up arms in the year of our Lord 2012.
Spidervisions lit up with conversations about how the Ice Princess of the Northwest coupled with the Dark Prince of the deep south will bring the new King and the PIP to its knees.
The Ice Princess of the Northwest who had hereto been unknown to those not under her jurisdiction-was called to come down from her perch to stand along side General Methuselah in the OP's 2008 campaign to maintain the thrown.
She was put forth as recognition that the OP then the PIP could digest a woman in a powerful position just like the PIP then the OP could.
It did not matter that the Ice Princess was not equal in statue, education or notoriety as the PIP's former First Queen, whom herself was seeking to be ruler of Fairness Land.
No. The only requirement for the Ice Princess was that she be woman, that she be pretty, and that she be?
The Ice Princess bore the Hebrew name of the wife of Abraham. A name that meant woman of high rank (though of less statue than a first wife), with a beauty so great that all other persons appeared to be apes in comparison.
She was the perfect foe to the former First Queen. Having already tasted the fresh flesh of power in defeat, it was only a matter of time before the Ice Princess would return from her lair to seize the spotlight once more.
The new trend in the Kingdom of Fairness was diversity. This is what the Fairi people wanted, this is what the PIP had, and it was what the OP must become if it were ever to taste the sweet nectar of dominance again.
They had an Ice Princess, a Dark Prince, but still needed a new dynamic figure to lead them back. Through a series of votes and much hand wrangling and discussion emerged a Man of Steel.
This Man of Steel looked a lot like the new King except a little older, a bit balder and a tad taller-other than that there was virtually no difference at all to an untrained eye.
Most importantly he was able to speak the language of the minority class of Fairi's. Using such colloquialisms as "off the hook" to relay a message of hipness, coolness and familiarity with the commoners.
Not many in the OP understood what "off the hook" meant. But they were all "down with it" along as the Man of Steel was up to the task of helping them reclaim the thrown. Which he, in no uncertain terms, promised to do.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Fairi people looked to their newly elected King to restore faith in their government, fairness to its people, and dignity to a country once lost but no more.
Because they knew that with a little help, a watchful eye, and steady hand at the helm that Fairi people really "can do anything".
God Bless you, and God Bless the United Kingdom of Fairness.
The End