by Jasmine Starr

Created on: March 02, 2009   Last Updated: March 03, 2009

The question of whether or not gay relationships place too much emphasis on sex is a tricky and perhaps flawed question from the outset. The tricky part would be the unstated basis of comparison: "Too much compared to what?" Most would assume that the baseline is the average heterosexual relationship. That would also seem to imply, however, that the average heterosexual sex emphasis is considered 'normal'. My opinion is that the majority of relationships in the western world (particularly the US) place excessive emphasis on sex in comparison with the other aspects of healthy and mature relationship regardless of sexual orientation.

While individual relationships are very unique, in general our society places a lot of emphasis on sex that filters into and affects these relationships. The media uses sex to gain an audience and to sell products and services via advertising. This is true of the mainstream media as well as certain media outlets on television and the internet that target a primarily gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender (GLBT) audience. As someone who has been exposed to both, I do not believe the emphasis on sex in the homosexual media, which affects the influence on sex, is disproportionate compared to the mainstream heterosexual media.

The question is further complicated if we ask whether the media influences society or if perhaps the media is merely a mirror of what society wants. The not so simple answer to that is both. Either way, I would judge the emphasis to be excessive regardless of the sexual orientation of the target audience.

These are general observations of the culture of modern western society as whole. Now I will address more specific and personal observations I have made in relationships I have directly observed, particularly my own.

I like sex. That should not be a surprise, as most human beings do. My partner does too. My ex-wife did at times, but had a lot of self-image issues that ruined it for both of us. My ex-wife would likely judge that I put too much emphasis on sex, as there was a lot of negotiating on my part just to keep what little sex life we had going. My partner may say about right or that we could use a little more emphasis. As much as I enjoy sex with my partner, I am only in the mood at certain times. I like it but I do not want it continuously and perpetually.

My partner and I have a very deep and complex relationship. In our situation, the emphasis on sex is, I believe, normal and healthy. We do not talk about or engage

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