by Richard Jesel

Created on: March 01, 2009

Do you remember true love? Remember how you loved the smell of that persons hair, the way they looked at you, how you held hands walking through the parking lot, in the store, in the car, holding each other in bed late at night to hear that persons heart beat and breathing such a sigh of contentment you thought your heart would stop because life was so fulfilled? Do you also remember the anxiety? The fear that what you say might cause them to hate you? The sweaty palms as you hoped that everything would be okay as they were led into the hospital? The guilt that you couldn't be there or that you could have done something different? Do you remember the anger and despair as they left you anyway, no matter how hard you tried? How much you loved? After everything you have done you sit and cry at the loss you have had to just endure. Why did you put yourself through it all? Why? Well perhaps it is time to realize that it isn't love that you lost at all. Love, after all, is the most selfish emotion you encounter within you whole life if you think about it.

In the human psyche, every person has a particular weakness that needs to be fulfilled, that personal something that is looked for at work, at home, on television, in video games, books, magazines, driving, walking, fishing, eating and I could go on forever. It's that little fantasy within our imagination that we don't even know is there most of the time. That little hidden subconscious fantasy is usually associated with something we have yearned for since a young age. A feeling of being loved and cared for can be hidden in anything. We falsly learned what love is when we were young, simply because we didn't know any better and there was no one there to teach us what love truly was except our parents, and then even they may not have known what it truly was, instead giving their version of what it might be. Love could have falsely been translated with food or being ignored to abuse to being told what to do all the time to getting all the attention, to sex, drinking, arguments, good dancing, and fancy cars.

When you fall in love you are essentially fulfilling this subconscious fantasy because for some reason this person is capable of fulfilling it for you. You are finally getting what you want and that in of itself is completely selfish. You would do anything to keep getting what you want, even if it means giving. Now is that selfish? You are essentially doing something for others just so you can get something in return, whether you realize it or not. Your subconscious wish needs to be fulfilled and you will notice that you do the most for that other person when you aren't feeling quite as good as you would like. Think about it.

Love is a selfish fantasy to be fulfilled and it is only after one has surpassed this fantasy to see it for what it is, to move beyond it, can true love be formed, for then, you will be able to see your partner for their true needs instead of your own. Because to look beyond yourself and give to that other person selflessly, with only the thoughts of their own happyness, is to truly love.

Learn more about this author, Richard Jesel.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.